50 Shades Darker Cast- Fandom’s sentiment on actors

Full-text transcript of Fifty Shades Darker (2017) review:

Fifty Shades Darker is hitting theaters, happy Valentine’s Day, I hope you like garbage, I have your review right here on screen. Junky’s news you.

You mean you mean you.

You’re just going to stand there gawking. Yes.

Hi, I’m Dan Myrl, and I have your review for 50 Shades Darker right here on screen Junky’s News. I’m doing this review solo because I could not in any good conscience ask anyone else who worked here to actually go see this movie. That’s right. 50 Shades of Grey has a sequel and it’s hitting theaters once again, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Everyone’s favorite, horrible, terrible, mismatched couple, <p>

Kristen Gray and Anastasia Steele, are back. And this movie picks up right where the first movie abruptly left off, it seems like a couple of weeks later. But don’t worry, these two lovebirds are back together in the first 15 minutes of the movie. Check, please. I could go further into the plot of this movie, but what’s the point, really? This script feels like it was written by a third graders. Third grader E.L. James famously insisted that the screenwriter from the first 50 Shades of Grey movie, which looks like a masterpiece compared to this one, be replaced by her husband so that he could more fully realize her vision of the wonderful literature known as the original Fifty Shades trilogy. Well, congratulations, because this movie is one of the worst written movies I have ever seen. Plot developments come and go. Weird things happen out of nowhere. There’s a scene that starts at night and then goes to day, but then tries to pick up later that night.

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Not even the screenplay knows what’s going on with this movie or even really cares. I knew this movie was really bad when I was sitting in my seat in the theater going, Man, 50 Shades of Grey really had a tight story structure. Even the sex scenes in this movie don’t make any sense. They’re lifeless, they’re dry, they’re not integrated into the movie in any way, shape or form. At least in the first movie you had Beyonce, you had something, at least for your ears to enjoy. This is bland. The soundtrack is bland. What you’re seeing on screen is bland. This is an abysmal movie. It is so incredibly. You imagine watching two people who don’t really like each other, talk to each other for two hours straight, interrupted every 15 minutes or so by a really lackluster sex scene. And you’re kind of approximating the slog that is watching Fifty Shades darker. Let me tell you something, folks. The people that made this movie don’t care about you. They’re not trying to turn you on. They’re not trying to entice you. This movie is the bare minimum for what could possibly be called a movie. I take it as my job as a film critic to try to inform you, the public, on what you should or should not see. And I’m telling you, do not go see this movie.

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It is the worst example of cynical filmmaking. It is the worst example of a studio saying, like, we’re going to put boobs in our movie to try to entice people to go see it. It’s not sexy. It’s not entertaining. One thing it is, is funny, but it doesn’t mean to be. That’s right. There is some dialogue lines in this movie that got the biggest slice of any movie I’ve seen in the last year. And that’s because if the dialogue is written terribly, it’s acted twice as poorly. Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, I don’t know what you’re doing in this movie. I don’t know why you agreed to do one of these, let alone three of these. Kim Basinger, you’re an Oscar winning actress. And by the end of this movie, you’re a third rate cookie from Empire. Don’t get bogged down in this mess, please. Some of you must have no play clause. Some of you must be able to get out of this third movie, get us out of this third movie. I am calling for a general strike on all actors and crew members for the third Fifty Shades of Grey movie. Do not subject audiences to this torture. Again, this is a terrible, terrible movie. Don’t go see it. Ironically, don’t rent it. Let it die. Let it wither on the vine. Don’t see this movie. It is terrible.

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I’m so sorry.

There are two other movies opening this weekend, Lego Batman Movie and John Wick. Chapter two. I guarantee you both of those movies are sexier than this movie is. As a matter of fact, and I never thought I would say this. I would recommend watching the original Fifty Shades of Grey movie over this movie. And it’s not because the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is good. It’s because this movie is worse than you could possibly have expected it to be. I’m serious. Folks don’t see Fifty Shades darker. It’s really bad to treat. Well, that’s what I thought. Fifty Shades darker.

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Could you tell what I actually thought of the movie to check out more? Right here. We have so many other reviews of better movies coming out this weekend. You can see those right here. You can also check out screen junky’s news for breaking news reviews, everything you need to know every single day of the week right here. Thanks for watching. Until next time. I’m Daniel.