Review Of Fifty Shades Freed (2018)- by What The Flick?

Full text transcript of the review of Fifty Shades Freed:

And we wanted to welcome the new S.A.T..

I bought it for us. I should have asked you first. Oh, my God. Christian. This is Dumitru, the architect.

This location is perfect. I’m going to build you a fabulous house. Please stop speaking to my husband as if I weren’t here. And you may call me Mrs. Gray. Hello and welcome to what the flick. I am, Kristie. That is Alonzo. That is Matt. It’s Valentine’s Day. Kind of it’s coming soon. So you know what you get from us. You get there 50 state movie. That’s how much we love you. We love you enough to tell you this is the last one. There are no more we. Oh, no more books. There are no like Christian Grey prequels. I hope maybe I’m wrong, but there’s

Tons of fan food

Anyway. Fanfic based on the fan fiction.

Oh so he’s free now. All right, tell us about it.

Fifty Shades Freed is the story of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Movie starts out with them tying the knot in front of people. For once they are married. Oh, I see what you did. They get married and things are seemingly wedded bliss. But maybe there’s cracks because Anastasia Steele has a mind of her own and maybe isn’t the complete submissive. But Christian Grey thinks that he has married. Let’s watch a clip. We want to play. Yes, sir. Right.

I made a vow to love you faithfully.

Forsaking all others. Did you sleep with her?

The comfort you in times of need. And to keep you safe for as long as we both shall. To support.

The thing is, though, the Christian always knew the Anitha for herself.

She’s been a bossy bottom from the

Jump, right. But she but he still act surprised.

Here’s the thing about this movie.

Even keep pounding.

Oh, God is, you know, look, I am totally all for, you know, people who are not whose idea of a of a of a of a fantasy is not about like superpowers to have this fantasy of, like, insane wealth and like hot sex. But these movies are never hot. I mean, the sex is so boring. There is so much like Face-To-Face missionary in this movie for all the like, kinkier promised. And it’s you know, you start with the wedding, which usually in a story like this would be the culmination. And there’s not enough actual personality of either of these two blank characters to carry a movie and to for their relationship issues to be a story. So they have to throw in like a kidnapping and arson and all this other stuff. And it’s like, wow, we are really reaching to fill this thing.

You know what? She’s always good despite the material. Dakota Johnson has a really lovely presence about her and she has really good comic timing. I think she has I think she’s her mom’s presence, Melanie Griffith presence in her comic timing and a lot of ways. And she does the absolute best she can with some truly insipid dialogue. He gets worse, she gets better, and he gets worse. He’s so empty and so boring and just blandly hot.

He’s just ad well, she’s appealing. But the character has become such a dingbat by this point that it’s kind of like, oh, God got

To do is go have a martini with a

Girl when she’s talking about, like I do work things. And then there’s a scene where we see it like mix, mix up and type these two points larger, like, oh, I know that’s delegating. That’s not how any of this works.

And then, like, she gets the promotion and she gets inside. I like she

Gets the brochure. The company that her husband owns. Well, we’re doing it, though. It’s a little

Bit like would come up. And I thought, oh, I wonder if this means something later. And then they never deliver on story potential like except for the literal Chekov’s. Well, right. Because God, I was so happy. Gun shows up. I seem like an

Actual tickle’s guy.

Very excited. And they, you know, there’s the bit where it turns out like oh the book. Oh two hundred thousand preorders. That’s amazing. And I thought well obviously the husband is a Christian but those are all right. But they were all in a garage. So there’s a scene where

There’s you did good at work today. Some hundred books go for them.

Then there’s a scene where they have sex on a table. And I’m thinking like and then the next thing you see is not the rest of the people staying at that house, eating at that table and having Christian and Anna look at each other like that would have been great, but. Oh, no.

Well, there is a moment where, again, we don’t we never see anything in these movies. But there’s there’s an implication that an object has been inserted and then we see her at work later looking very kind of she does a lot of this. And I thought, is the object still there or is she just thinking about what it was there? We don’t know.

She I think she’s still in pain from having had the opposite side of her. That’s very soothing tea. She gave up to help regulate herself. Again, I’m just

Going to point out that this is maybe not the day that I had my mom in studio. Oh, I’m sorry, Mom.

We talk about how awesome you are the target market for this movie, though. I guess you’re your demo is. Yes, you’re my little brat. You bought the book to not by personally.

I did. I, I read all three of.

Yes, but out of research. I never really had a research.

Yeah. These movies keep getting worse. So Sam Tyler Johnson directed the first one and she got the innate ridiculousness of all of this. And then James Foley did these last two. And I don’t know that he knows it’s bad. I think he’s trying to play it straight. But then there no doesn’t. Massively unintentional hilarity. Like, I’m not going to tell you what song you think there’s a serious.

Because if I mentioned romance. Right. Because if we mentioned the best I-Max Blues playing, the biggest, Landgren will know the song.

The biggest laugh of the year so far is is that moment. Yeah.

This is wow. This is one of the funniest movies I’ve seen all year. Yeah. It’s completely unintentional. And I’m a big fan of unintentional.

I kind of like the second one a little better than the first one, only because the two leaders don’t look like they hate having to be naked next to each other. But yeah, this one, this one is if you’re here for the luxury porn, you know, there’s plenty of it. There’s like cars speeding through and

Now any cars. What kind of car. How do you this thinking is brought to you by Audi. Yeah.

And there’s like house renovation and you know, Aspen in the summertime and there’s.

Among other problems with this movie, like the dialogue is terrible, the story is as soapy as you could possibly imagine, which would some be OK, but then, you know, this is a thing and I’ve talked about this in various reviews when there’s glimpses of competence that really makes that actually makes a movie like this worse, because there’s a

Scene throws the rest of it into

Relief, because there’s a scene, for instance, where they’re in the playroom and he’s punishing her because he’s mad at her and she calls him out on that. And that’s an effective scene. Like that’s like, oh, OK, I see where this movie could be. She says, look, this is this isn’t what we’re meant to do. She uses her safe works like this is you’re punishing, right? You’re not. You’re actually mad at me. Yes. Isn’t that consensual? This isn’t right. Yeah. But then there’s later an argument that they have where she’s now. And and after that happened, she covers herself up and she kind of like puts some distance between them. Right. Like, OK, I need to be protected. I’m feeling vulnerable. I’m not feeling comfortable with you. And I found it somewhat. Inconsistent that later, when they’re having the argument as she’s come out of the shower and they’re arguing, she then proceeds to get dressed and she’s half clothed as she’s having the same level of argument. And it’s not that I felt like she was flaunting it, but I thought that was inconsistent with the way we’ve seen this character cover up when she’s when she’s not feeling safe with.

She had to go to work. She was late.

She was late for work. Exactly. She was angry and in a hurry. It was you know, there’s a lot happening. It just it just

Felt like that was one of those places I’m sick of all the times in this movie, like that’s where you decide she’s going to be.

She can’t be late for the job. The company that he owns that will just

Talk about font size. Yeah, I know. It’s terrible. It’s pretty, but terrible.

Yeah, pretty terrible. It’s pretty terrible. Although I have to say, like the ice cream scene there or at least try.

Okay. But that also I think is their big intent to be self-referential

And nine and a half weeks,

Not weeks. Also, like she says, she wants to have vanilla sex right before she agreed to the cake in the first one. I want to have vanilla. So here first it is vanilla because it’s not loving.

There’s at least a caramel swirl in there, though. And maybe that’s the metaphor. Ice cream I really want

Is a funny handcuff joke. I will say this. That was right. Handcuffed. There’s like one

Or two actual intentionally good bits, but then there’s so many missed opportunities and look like are we spoiling stuff in this movie? Who cares. I, I really wanted to see that ice cream go back in the freezer. I really wanted to just stop and then see somebody else eat it later and then be like,

This is true. Anyway, I my one hope for this in the same way that like the Twilight movies were pretty ridiculous, but it gave us Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, who are like two really interesting actors doing really good work. Now, Dakota Johnson is Fifty Shades freed of this bullshit and can go do interesting things. And I know she has, but she did

Look like what a is a bigger splash.

That’s true. You’re right.

She has Dmae Dawran has not kept

The of the TV show the best.

And the what was the comedy she did with. Oh, how to be saying how to be single like that. Had its moments.

She I loved her hosting SNL.

Yeah. It looked like as bad as this dialogue is and as many problems with this movie has, if they’d had we talked a little bit about this last night that Charlie Hunnam was originally supposed to play this well. And if you’d had someone that there was actual chemistry with her, this would probably have significantly different reactions. When we were talking on line the flick last night, I had or afterwards I kind of mentioned there’s original sin, which is that true with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie. And that movie is awful, but they have really good chemistry teacher. Right. And so you were at least like, well, at least the sex scenes are like, sorry,

Mom, but they’re both like smoldering, sexy, like neither Dakota Johnson nor Jamie Dornan is like radiating heat.

But I don’t think these movies really want them to be sexy because these movies, these movies are so afraid of what they’re about. Like this is a movie about like, you know, seriously kinky dude with a mess up past and like, you know, vanilla girl who saves them from everything. And the whole movie is this long process of her turning him into like the well and turning him into the fantasy that that Harlequin has in suicide squad about washing machines like, you know, making him his wife. I wanted the movie to end with the two of them in bed with a screaming, colicky baby between them and both of them. Look at the ceiling. Oh, my God,

What have I done? And I think he probably touched on this earlier. And we have to wrap up in a second. But it’s a little it is a little worrisome that, like his his kind of BDM background comes from him having a really messed up child. Right. Which is bullshit. Stigma’s so right. What’s our and

The notion that she has, like, unabsorbed him is supposed to be some sort of perso. We spend too much time.

We have to wrap up. We have a minute left.

I’m saying two point five because it’s pretty and a mindless way sometimes. And I had a good time with you guys laughing

At last night. Yeah, I said three and a half for the sheer golos of it all, which there is a ton of. And but other than that, it’s ridiculous. And it’s a paycheck for Marcia Gay Harden and Jennifer Jennifer Ealy, who is credited. And it’s

Not, is

It? It’s like Keisha in an opening montage. You never see her again. I was like,

No question for you. Did she even speak anyway? Yeah, but you

Never I give it a one point three because it’s in focus and lots of laughs, even though they’re unintentional.

Two point four is our number. It is at fourteen percent on the tomato meter. I guess if you’ve seen the first two, you’ve got to find out what happens. You’re going to go anyway by.