Fifty Shades Freed Cast- Chris Stuckmann’s sentiment on actors

Full text transcript of Fifty Shades Freed review:

Fifty Shades Freed is the third and final thank all things holy Fifty Shades movie, and I never have to watch any of these again, which is something I’m extremely happy about. And I’m going to go celebrate actually, as soon as I’m done filming this and editing it and posting and I’m going to celebrate, I’m happy. Anastasia Steele has now married Christian Grey, the billionaire owner of this giant company who also really likes to whip her and tie her up. And she started to like it herself. And as they go from vacation to vacation, a stalker from the past resurfaces and threatens her. That’s the plot. No joke. That’s all that happens in this movie. It’s an over one hundred minute movie where all they do is go around on vacations before the last 15 to 20 minutes, shows up and some guy kidnaps somebody. And now it’s like a big race against time. And there’s a chase scene with a wonderful song playing. I know for a fact that me sitting here saying the third 50 Shades movie is terrible is not going to surprise a single soul on this earth. But it is. This is the perfect trash trilogy. There’s you know, we had the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is one of the best ever, each entry. Amazing. Now we have the exact polar opposite in the 50 Shades trilogy. But my friends and I still sat there throughout this entire film all the way to the end credits where we saw the bit that comes up, where we learn about their future.

That was great. But honestly, this entire film really is just them on vacation, having sex. That’s it. Like the last ten minutes, some shit happens. That’s it. When you really picture a trilogy and you understand what a trilogy is, it’s about characters changing over time. It’s about their journeys. It’s about where they start and where they end and how we appreciate that journey. With this film trilogy, we have Anastasia Steele, someone who starts out very awkward and introverted, meeting some rich asshole who has some serious issues, and then they enter into one of the most toxic relationships ever to be portrayed in cinema history. And in this film, what exactly is the culmination of these events? They continue to have sex. He’s still a strange, extremely needy person with very serious issues. And she’s a little less introverted now and a little more on top of things. There’s some very serious mother issues with Christian’s past, and they try to, at the very last second, interweave those into the plot so we can have some sort of finality for that. But for the most part, these movies are just softcore porn for people who don’t actually want to go and watch real porn. They just want to watch Fifty Shades of Grey or Fifty Shades darker, freed in a theater filled with other people and watch it surrounded by other people who are awkwardly sitting there watching this happen on a giant screen. What in the living hell is enticing about this experience? But all that’s obvious, OK? That’s what all of these movies are like.

They’re all like that. What does this film especially do that’s shockingly awful? Well, any time there’s an action scene, it’s amazing. I it’s the best movie you’ve ever seen because you watch it from the perspective of, oh, my God, they’re actually doing like a big car chase in the Fifty Shades movie. It gets kind of entertaining from that perspective. Every single moment seems to have to have a pop song of some kind, including the car chase. There’s a montage where she remembers their past lives. Just like in one of the last Twilight movies, it blew my mind, it was like watching one of those, like animated music, video compilations of like every romantic part of some anime romance. It was incredible. It was like, this is happening. I just wanted to actually open the script and read that part of the script like Interior Anastasia’s room. She approaches doorway, looks at Christian. But to back random footage from the previous to cut back to interior attestations room, I just want to see that part of the script. Oh, there are so many cringe worthy moments with Christian being a needy little asshole just walking up to her. Like, for instance, after they get married and she is in her office, she doesn’t want to change her email. They have a whole scene dedicated to the fact that her email is Anastasia Steele at whatever and she doesn’t want to change it to great cut to a few minutes later, gray storms in the office.

I tried to send you an email. It bounced. He’s like really traumatized by the fact that she did not change her email to Anastasia Grey from a comedy perspective, this movie’s great about it, though the film isn’t even sexy, just like the other two, the sex scenes are just strange and awkward. And the relationship, like I said, is so toxic that you can’t really get any enjoyment out of those scenes either. It’s just a giant disappointing mess. And it’s one of those things that’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing that this is a trilogy. It’s embarrassing that they make money. Fifty Shades freed, of course, gets an F.. Well, this is the perfect Heff trilogy. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. Usually one of franchise starts with a truly awful, atrocious entry. They just stop making them. But nope, not with this. They have a built in audience of people who for some reason like this stuff. Definitely not one of those people. Yeah. Don’t waste your time with this. You probably weren’t going to anyway. No surprise that I’m telling you that. Guys have a good day. I am so happy now. I’m freed. I’m Fifty Shades freed from having to see any of these movies again. And I can’t wait to never, ever talk about them ever again in my life. Guys, thank you so much, as always, for watching. If you like this, you can click right here and get stubbornest.