50 Shades Cast- Chris Stuckmann’s sentiment on actors

Full-text transcript of the review of Fifty Shades of Grey:

The film is about a young woman named Anastasia Steele, who fills in for her friend, who has a cold for about five minutes in the movie just so she can get the position that her friend was going to have, which is interview Christian Grey, a very successful businessman. And she, of course, falls for him and he really happens to like BDM bondage and various sexual things, ropes and stuff like that. You guys know what I’m talking about? And she embarks on a journey of sexual discovery. That’s what this movie’s about. And the author adapted it from her Twilight fan fiction. Just so you know, originally, the author of the book has since come out and saying, look, I wrote a Twilight fan fiction about various fantasies that I had. People liked it. I changed the names. I made a book out of it, and now she’s a millionaire. That’s how it works in this world, apparently. Now, look, it’s really easy to go into this movie, ready to hate it.

And I’ll be honest, I do not want to see this movie at all. Why would I? That being said, I tried to keep an open mind. And there are two praiseworthy things about this movie, in my opinion. That is Dakota Johnson. I can see her being really good in a movie that was equally as good. That’s not this movie, though.

And the movie looks really good. It’s a well shot and a well lit movie. But you know what you can do if you got a really good director of photography and you went out to the street and you found a pile of rat shit, he could probably light that very well and perhaps shoot it with an interesting angle. But it’s still ratshit. Fifty Shades of Grey, this movie is a two hour soft core porn with way more story than you ever care to see in a porn and tons and tons of the cheesiest dialogue since the last Twilight movie. This movie is considerably more melodramatic than Jupiter ascending even. And that movie was cheesy as hell. But I really do have major issues with this film, the number one being the portrayal of Anastasia Steele. This is yet another weak female character who requires a man, a big, strong, powerful man who’s rich and famous and likes to whip people in the ass to make her happy. She can’t be happy on her own. She needs that man. She can’t do anything without that man. When he’s gone, she can’t think about anything else but him and doesn’t feel complete with this female character.

And Jupiter Jones in her week, absolutely requiring Channing Tatum to rescue her every two seconds character. We are seeing some really awful weak ass female characters. What do you writers doing out there? Come on, give some better roles to women. I’m serious. This is actually pissing me off and I’m a dude. It’s also extremely easy to see the parallels with Twilight. For one, she has a best friend named Jose who just might as well be Jacob because he kind of likes her, too. And that’s kind of throw in a love triangle into the mix. Christian takes her out flying and it’s so fun for her, similar to how Edward put Bella on his back and jumped around the trees. And despite the fact that Christian continuously tells her that he is not good for her, that he is not the one for her, that she should stay far away from him, she keeps on coming back just like Edward and Bella. It’s abhorrent how this is literally Twilight just with BDM. So let’s talk about it, because you want to know what

I think about it. The sex scenes, they’re they’re they’re pretty racy for a rated R, that’s for sure. But the problem with this movie is she isn’t into it. He is. She just keeps letting him do stuff to her for his own pleasure, even though she doesn’t even enjoy it. That’s how weak of a character she is. And it’s really sad. Look, I’m not going to waste my time talking about this movie anymore because I’m more than likely going to have to see two more because there’s two more books.

And the movie, of course, ends on a cliffhanger with tons of arcs just hanging in the air waiting to be completed. This movie’s horrible. I hated it. It’s a well shot, semi well acted movie. That’s a total piece of garbage and I cannot stand it. Fifty Shades of total fucking shit gets an F.. Oh, yeah. So I want a Fifty Shades of Grey prize pack at the screening. That’s right. I won a raffle. Let’s see what’s in it. Wow, it’s a 50 Shades of Grey poster. Well, it’s a 50 Shades of Grey T-shirt. Curious. No, I’m really not, actually. What the hell? Oh, it’s the lip balm, OK? It’s a lip balm. I thought this was something else. It’s a candle. I like candles, but not ones with 50 Shades of Grey written on them. You’re great. I really wish I had this blindfold when the movie was playing well, guys, what are your thoughts on this whole thing?

Let me know below. I’m curious to know if you did see the movie. Don’t, though, because it’s just going to give it money and then they’ll make more. I saw it at a screening, so I didn’t give him any money. Yes. As always, guys, thank you so much for watching. And I am going to check out Kingsmen. Don’t worry. I’m actually excited to see that movie of your view for that very soon. Thank you, as always, for watching. And if you like this, you can click right here and get stuck. Minimized.