Night at the Museum 3 critique- by Double Toasted

Full text transcript of Night at the Museum 3 critique

Some people might say the best for last and people saying corporate bullshit, we know, we know, we know. No, that’s a there was no best save for you. Might be surprised, though.

You might be surprised. This is night at the museum. This time is the secret of the tomb. And with this one, we have Larry Daley, who’s played by Ben Stiller. He’s finally settled into a strange situation at New York’s Natural Museum of Art. You know, with all the exhibits come to life, Martin Cousins Magic Tablet, he’s running things even as the patrons and his boss thinking, oh, well, these are special effects. He’s just parade magic in front of everybody. No one knows. No one knows the difference. But when the exhibits are when they start acting a little odd and even dangerous, yeah, he has to take a trip to London. And there there’s this Egyptian exhibit that might hold the secret to preparing them tablet that’s behind all of this bullshit. I mean. Well, I did enjoy this more than some of the other films. And the reason why is because with this one, you know, we had a different museum now. Mm hmm. And what a different museum you get. What made this movie special in the first place? You get all of the you get to see all the exhibits come to life that you hadn’t seen before. You get to see exhibits from other countries come to life.

And, you know, that’s fun. And I’m like a little kid with you make it sound like we were actually at a museum where this happened.

Like, just we just watch and oh, here’s a different CD.

And I was highly medicated and some of them were cool and stuff that some of the novelty wore off on us. I’m a little too cute. You know, someone did literally this thing with little creatures came to life and they had some guy, some guy to avoid me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

And, you know, that’s stupid. All right, you know. But hey. It was still kind of fun to see them in a new environment right here, and of course, you got some of the old people back. We have a Robin Williams as a Teddy Roosevelt, Pocahontas back, Sacajawea, Sakaguchi, whichever one I’m fucking in.

Yeah, we there’s so few. Let’s try to remember those that are still around. We got Tonto back with you, man. We like suckage with your mouth.

You keep talking like that with with Larry the Ben Stiller character being able to go through and get used to these exhibits. Now they they finally feel like old friends. It’s not this whole thing of Ben Stiller, but no bumbling around anymore.

How many movies can he go put down? What are you doing? Yeah, I got to get him back here. I gotta run over there. I got to run over here. Wait, dammit. It is a lot of that. How are you doing? OK.

All right, let’s go then. I’m going in like this but still shit. Come on here man.

I couldn’t sit idly by. Our very survival is at stake. All right. Hey, Teddy.

Good, good man. Having a crisis. Tella.

Ok, a little muscle, hey, man, that is a deceptively large box.

Obviously, we came along to, you know, you’d be lost without his jacket.

That’s the best we can offer them. All right.

Basically, everyone, the two characters that kind of annoyed me the most, Octavia’s played by your boy, Steve Coogan, Steve Coogan and Wilson and Owen Wilson as the general cowboy, Paco’s pickles, Bill Pickles, bullies or whatever, because both of you know it doesn’t matter either. Oh, are you, like, two horses tied to a tree? Yeah, I like doing that’s not even a good one. And in fact, even when you know or Wilson talks like this, even when he’s trying to be.

Yeah. Who partner. Yeah, that’s a humdinger.

I think it’s still it’s like a goddamn hipster man. You know what? I’m glad he’s this fucking small movie because that makes him just that less annoying. I know.

But outside of that, I kind of like everybody. Even then, I’m like, hey, they’re part of the gang. I take it like this maad. I take it like this. You know, these guys, they’re like they’re like they’re like going home for Christmas that Thanksgiving. You don’t really like your family. I mean you love them but you don’t like them.

But you when you’re back there, you’d be glad to be there because you just get used to being around them and you do care for them in a way because you spend so much time with them. Wow.

Are you getting paid under the table? Because it’s like the biggest soap I ever heard in my life.

I don’t know what to say, man is like out of out of all these movies. It’s and that’s another thing I liked about it. Some of the characters that are unknown, I think they actually have good physical gags. I like the caveman character, the one who sees Ben Stiller as a father figure. Yeah. And he’s mimicking everything he does in the movie. That actually amused me, man. That made me laugh.

Oh, there you go. OK, OK, amusing. And the movie is amusing at times because that is amusing. Mostly I was watching this movie, I was like, wow, this movie is like the really shitty first draft of Toy Story three. They got turned in. Somebody read and say, like, I’ll make a night in the museum of this in a second, but then you get stuff with Rebel Wilson where it’s the it’s the rebel Wilson Show.

Somebody that I like is Ricky Gervais. Oh, yeah. Ricky Gervais, I think is a hilarious guy in this movie. He got on, man. Oh, yes. He’s quite the person who talks like this.

But most of the dialogue, I have nothing else to do. I have no genuine jokes. So I’m just going to pick up funny voice. And I wanted Ben Stiller to punch the fuck out. And Ricky Gervais in this movie. I need you to let me take the tablet in Auckland.

Right. London. Sorry, just processing that.

Oh, no, no, I want to kill this son of a bitch.

Can’t do it, dude.

I bet your ass me right now, would you like to be at home before you kick his ass, beat the shit out of. That’s a ball of movement. I know you like that.

You the Lee, would you close the door and and don’t say no. Just look at a motherfucker. Just come in. I’m going beat the TR choice son of a bitch. I hated him and Rebel Wilson in this movie. It’s almost like the like the producers and director thought. All these guys, they’re they’re so funny. We’re just going to give them free reign. You know what other character I really liked was Lancelot, man? You know what? You were right about that.

He actually just was like at the point where I’m just like, all right, I see what this is. It’s kind of milquetoast is going nowhere. He read a lot of life into it.

Yeah, no pun intended. Yeah. Yeah. Not sure what market it was not. The actor that played last night is Dan Stevens, who was actually an amazing actor man. He was in a he was recently in that movie with a walk among the tombstones, Liam Neeson linked with Liam Neeson. He played of course, he played American and had a totally different personality. But of course, the museum, everything comes to life being there in London. They have a Knights of the Roundtable exhibit and Lancelot comes alive, comes alive. And he’s he’s really funny, man. Yeah. I thought that that character was really good. He’s like, why, thank you. It’s one of those films where to me, there’s a lot of great things going on as far as family entertainment. There’s a sense of wonder with the magic. There’s, you know, these they have a lot of visuals going on that actually kind of makes sense. You know, there I actually feel part of the story, some of his goofy, but they what they do is they can’t avoid the bathroom humor like right there. The monkey peed on them. I’m like, man, you know, you you already kind of have a sweet film. You have some actually funny lines going on, but you have to resort to bathroom humor. They’re actually into this movie. On an emotional note for me, they actually ended this sort of with some pride and they couldn’t they couldn’t help, but they sort of, you know, oh, yeah, we got to appeal to the kids that we we got to make the kids think that we’re cool. And they the whole thing with a D.J. and, you know, they are the characters out there doing the beep, the doing all the boys dances and hip hop things. And it’s just like, man, you know, oh, look at us, we’re urban.

But there’s another big thing in here. That’s one of your pet peeves that you have somehow either ignored or forgot to get to. Oh, yes. That would be Ben Stiller’s bitch ass son. You and I, we we disagree again. Oh, really? We disagree again. We usually hate those that you have hated great movies just because they’ve had characters like that in them.

Martin, we disagree. Again, the son in this movie had his name right. Skyler Gustnado.

And I liked him because he was funny, so he he gets along with his dad, he never had a mommy because they was throwing a party at one point in Bystolic comes home and he’s like, everybody get out and you clean this shit up. And Kim was never like, fuck you, dad, why do you hate me? He was just like, OK, Dad, you know what we’ll do? We’ll clean up. We’ll talk tomorrow.

Like in slackers want to be a D.J. like for real. That’s going to be a life. He said, I’m good at it.

He said, respectfully, Martin, I want to go out and find myself. Now, you doing this shit because you, eighty six years old, don’t understand kids today, but I’m still right there where I can relate. You know what I understand you kids out there. Don’t worry about your grandpa Martin over here, of course, talking to you. I know you kids need to take up to him to go find yourself some time. I don’t know, Goodlander. Yeah, that ain’t no part. That’s Pantani Pandur pandering to the gangs saying, no, I’m not. I’m being honest with you. I don’t listen to the buffalo here. Y’all do what you need to do. Find yourself. Mar’s like my old school. We like you to go out and get a job.

When I was your age, I had ten jobs.

My anybody like you, you need to get that monkey man. Yeah, that monkey made me that monkey. I’m not going to lie to you. That monkey made me cry at the end of this movie. I was always laughing at the show biz because I want I want to do that. OK, so I’ll look into that monkey. But there was a tender moment at the end of this movie with Ben Stiller in this monkey. And it’s a really quiet moment and is sad and is sad. And I teared up a little bit. Yeah, I did. I did. You know, don’t tell me you sat there and smirked at that too. You know, that was a tender ass moment. Moment right there.

Ok, well, what like now as cheesy, I was in Boston, but, you know, cause like going like that cheesy shit, I’m upon him but I is nuts. Oh yeah.

You heard me. I gave you proper criticism. I know the bad things are in the movie, but I don’t think there was as much as the movies before. And I actually thought there was some clever visual jokes in this that they used the exhibits for in addition to I mean, as opposed to just throwing them on screen and saying, hey, look at the CG that we got coming from the point of view of a kid and somebody who would take a kid and enjoy myself.

I mean, get this a low MEDIHONEY no man namen and you know, hey, man, got to salute the captain. Come on, man. Just tell me.

Just tell me I’m full of shit and going on about your way. Don’t pander to me. It’s all right. No, no.

I knew there would come a point when a rating just really meant nothing more appealing. You like you always say, man, every so often some of us like some bullshit. You’re not immune to the you know, I say I like the second movie better. I mean, to me, they’re all kind of the same, you know, as far as quality, as far as what they do, it ain’t like, oh, well, this one is really stepped things up. It has it it’s probably about the same level as a second one. It’s just that I really liked Amelia Earhart and the Wright brothers from the from the second one. And then moving through the Smithsonian, I thought was clever. The only real idea they had here was like, OK, we’ll go to the British Museum.

What about the cameos in this? You got some funny cameos here. We just saw Dick Van Dyke in one scene that made you I heard you laughing and then I can’t I’m not going to spoil the other one. But near the end of this movie, you know, there’s a joke with Lancelot in the cameo. That’s very funny.

You’re right. You’re right. And that was a great cameo. That was actually one of the better cameos I’ve seen even this year. The wouldn’t Lancelot and that cameo, that that was really good. And it’s things like that that keep me from from really dogging it.

I mean, I don’t know. I give it a high rental, but I’m not going I’m not going to, you know, low matinees.

I’m not asking you to shoot them. Are you asking me, like, I’m telling you to do this? I’m not telling you like the monkeys messing with you.

My name, please. Please, I.