Movie review of Cars 3- by What The Flick

Full text transcript of the movie review of Cars 3:

Hello, it’s summer, so you get another car movie. Good Lord, how many more cars, movies are they going to make until they’ve sold the last backpack?

Every goddamned backpack, they can always make more. Oh, indeed. Yes. Always more backpack, tiny hands to cobble together backpacks.

I’m Christy. That is Alonzo, the great team. Grierson is here with us today and he gets the pleasure of describing to you the intricate plot of cars.

Three, I’m not really going to describe the plot that much. This this is the third installment in the much beloved from Someone Cars franchise. This is the first one since 2011. Don’t worry, Mader is not the main character anymore. They’ve switched it back to Lightning McQueen, who in this installment is still sort of the champion of the racetrack, but maybe not much longer because there’s a new generation of sleek, faster cars that may replace him and become the new champion. So how is lightning going to handle this sort of like passing of the baton? Let’s take a look.

Mr. Sterling, what is this about? Your legacy. Every time you lose, you damage yourself.

I’m sorry your racing days are coming to an end. Have you seen the latest record stores sell you? Given any thought to retire, please?

This is my last chance cruise last, if I lose, I never get to do this again. I hear the whole basis of this universe is baffling and I don’t want to go into a complete, like, ontological wormhole about. But no, but here’s OK. If you have a movie, let’s say this is a movie about like the world’s greatest track star. OK, and now the young track stars are coming up under him and like, taking his thing away. Does lightning get a new engine and a new body to, like, compete with what the new cars are doing? And if he does, is he Lightning McQueen anymore? Put it in there. It really makes you think. I just I don’t understand the fundamentals of how this universe works. So it’s a movie about this guy trying to deal with being aged out and with the with the new up and comers. I’m thinking like, well, you’re a machine, so can’t they just fix you to be more like, I don’t know.

Can you do like a fast and Furious thing with nitrous, the for instance, do that and worked in Turbo?

Why can’t we do it for like. Yes. My problem with it’s just there is no story. I mean, we’re supposed to care about you. McQueen is getting old and slow because kids love movies about middle age plays. Right.

And then the young and zippy cars are coming up, voiced by Armie Hammer, Jackson storm, sleek new car. Also, why would you ever have Armie Hammer voice anything? Why can we not see him? I can’t he drive one of the cars.

He does like car commercials.

I kind of like I sort of a perfect, I guess, gate gateway. I know. Hurry here. Play there’s a mentor relationship that.

So here’s my problem with it. This is total faux feminism here. This is them. This is Disney, Pixar, whatever, trying to update what has inherently been a male centric franchise to appeal to women.

Now that, you know, Brave has done that and Frozen has done that and make it real to some extent has done that. And this is about a female car who has been stuck being a trainer who a lot her whole life where she wants to be a racer. I’m going to spoil this. OK, come at me.

I’m thinking about this because it is so false in the way that it pretends to be about female empowerment. The only reason this female car gets her shot is because a man gives it to her and a man makes a big deal about getting it right.

Yes, it’s your time to shine. Now, I started this and you can finish it. And they’re just like pat themselves on the back. Look how awesome we are. She’s voiced by Cristela Alonzo. It’s for nothing.

Just jump in really fast. And everything you said is absolute correct. But also in terms of spoilers, he passes the baton to her because he literally can’t do it anymore. It’s like if he could, he would be. Yeah. Could we continue to do it? Yeah. I mean, I would argue that there is a story, but my problem is that story is rocky for of he is and also as I think you and I are in complete agreement. But this Alonzo, I think this movie is being given too much credit for essentially not being cast, too. Everybody. Oh, yeah. Everybody hates cars, too, because Mater is the main character. They shifted to becoming like the spy movie thing. And I don’t think Cars two is a good idea. But the thing I will say about cars, too, is at least it’s sort of a bold attempt to do a completely different sort of genre. MASH up from the original Cars Car straight to me is probably the worst Pixar movie simply because it’s the most uninteresting, the most like straight line. It’s the first one that actually feels like they’re playing it safe with any of the movies that they’ve ever done. Even like Monsters University is a little more kind of creative than this is. This very much feels like we’ll put lightning back in this thing. We can do the story that we’ve done with the Toy Story sequels where it’s about getting older and worrying about losing your relevancy. But to me, I just watch this movie. I think these are the characters in the Pixar world. I care about the yeah.

These are terrible characters, like the kind of movie where we know they’re friends because they keep telling us they’re friends. But it’s not because they actually are friends or have any kind of interaction like lightning and mater. And, you know, I don’t just it’s these movies make me crazy. I thought I probably think this is maybe the best to the three of them. Actually, the only be only because in the same way that I thought it was bold for Monsters University to have the storyline of, like, you know what, college isn’t for everybody. Maybe you should go to college. Maybe there are other things you can do with your life, which for a kid’s movies like, oh, what? We’re going to say that maybe like education isn’t the end all and be all. This was a movie where I thought, OK, you know, the the over the hill guy is dealing with and again, these are more spoilers. So if you haven’t stopped already, stop now the over the hill guy. I can’t deal with the new competition, but he’s going to overcome and and, you know, experience will Trump evolve on. It’s like no. Actually, he’s just going to step aside and let somebody else take over because he is old and can’t do it anymore.

I’ll say this to I think this is the worst of the three. I feel like they just keep getting worse. But I feel safer. Cars, too, which I then thought was the worst is at least was colorful. It was it was right. And it was lively and it was fun to look at this. I don’t know whether it was like the glasses I had on or is a screen I saw. It looks kind of oh, I thought it flaps the vanderveldt.

I thought in OK, in Phoenix, I didn’t even see it in less than just a totally different Saluzzi car seat. And I feel like it’s sort of blandly neutral. And because a lot of it is like in dusty places and we get at least car two was lively because it was like it was in Monte Carlo, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I can’t believe I’m going to be in the position of defending cars are better than I thought. The natural backgrounds are very cool. I mean, one of things that I believe all three of these issues are the bottom of my Pixar list. Unquestionably.

So it’s just a matter of who’s in the last place. But I do like the fact that the cars themselves are such bright, cartoony creations that when they put them out into like a forest or a dirt track or a beach or something that you can see, like every grain of sand, like the chain link fence is look like a photograph of a chain link fence. So I like the naturalism of the settings because the characters are such big, you know, like artificial blobby things, you know, but no, this is not a good movie and it does have a whole weird like, you’re right, the female character likes agency and we even get an older female driver. Margo Martindale, I thought of you. And it’s like and if they had made her more of the mentor, then it wouldn’t have felt more like this thing of like the guy bestowing to the his oversight’s raises. What is a male and female car in this universe anyway? Do they do they give birth like, you know, why does it matter?

Yeah, the inherent sexism. She’s like the Danica Patrick of the car’s universe.

I don’t know how we talk about Paul Newman. Really. It’s so gross. A lot of them really fast. I was a big fan of one and I had to deal with about two months worth of how can you deal with a movie that basically brings back a character from the grave. Right. Kind of important character in a movie. I think the use of Paul Newman is much more egregious in this. And I read the press notes, which is helpful because basically these are all from the recordings that they did during the original cars, were Paul Newman was just talking to John Lasseter about cars. And they’re both big car guys. And it is a couple that together. He says in this movie, one of the things that Lightning McQueen is dealing with is I don’t know when my place is any more of them, not like this grand champion. And he thinks about his dearly departed mentor, Doc Hudson, who was voiced by Paul Newman in the first movie. So we have these flashbacks of him and Doc Hudson like hanging out. Well, that’s not new. Those are new scenes. I mean, Paul Newman’s been dead for almost like nine years now. Those are all like basically like leftovers from those original recording sessions. And I find it deeply kind of just creepy in a way that I feel like because the movie is not strong enough, because that relationship is not good enough, it doesn’t earn the right to kind of exhume Paul Newman.

But you don’t want to. But I would rather I would rather that than like them trying to get some sound to like that. Like whoever’s whoever whoever’s doing Slinky Dog now in the Toy Story movies is obviously not Jim Varney. But it’s like I understand that it’s a character in the you know, like there’s a new Kermit, like, you know, the people inherit these things. But you’re right, this is a specific character. But I think at least if it is all actually Paul Newman and not like weird, weird computer synthesized Peter Cushing with God knows whose voice coming out of him, you know, I’m OK. Well, these are not great choices for any no no grandparents. It’s just as for who’s it for?

Is it for the kids for whom the Cars movies are theoretically aimed or is it for grownups to go, oh, wow.

Paul Newman. Yeah.

Again, this is a movie about about middle age obsolescence. And I’m like, oh, yes, for children, you know? But all I kept thinking was like, OK, every time a new character appeared on screen, I think, well, there’s more toys. Yes.

I guess it’s pretty cynical. I can still defend the first cars. They feel like it’s a gentle, sweet, nostalgic movie. It’s not new. It’s Hollywood. It’s not innovative. It’s like Toy Story and the things that came before it, but at least has a strong emotional through line. I like the movies they’ve done since then, have just been kind of like, well, boys love these movies. They sell a ton of merchandise every five years doing it. Sort of another one. I mean, outside of Toy Story, this franchise is the most like Pixar movies they’ve made of one type of thing, which I find shocking, like because we kids like the least interesting of their overall film and now maybe they figure they can sell toys to a little girl.

Okay, well, that’s right. Their legal strategy, that’s I don’t know, I brought Nick and didn’t want to see it and he was bored.

That’s it. So my number is a four point.

I gave it a five and a half just because I like looking at it, you know, but yeah, I don’t like these movies.

I’m sorry. Yeah, I give it a five. It looks really great. And I will still say that this is still better than, like a secret life of pets. I mean, these are so kind of competing with themselves in certain ways. I still think they’re their bar is still high.

We have the nut job two coming out later this summer. I let’s just let’s keep things in perspective available that week. But let’s just keep this in perspective. You know, the worst Pixar is better than the best of all. Was still a five for me.

But think our number is a five and it’s weirdly a sixty nine percent. People think this has like emotional resonance and I don’t get that.

You get that. No. And I’ve read those reviews too. And I’m like, really.

Wow. OK, people like it because it’s not cars too. That’s, that’s my feeling.