Movie review of Cars 2 (2011)- by CinemaSins

Full text transcript of the movie review of Cars 2:

It still takes 45 seconds for Pixar and Disney logos to jerk each other off. This is Agent Leland Touba. Pixar takes the Doc Hollywood style story of cars and makes the sequel a spy movie like a King James Bond. I’m sure on paper it sounds really neat, but sometimes you have to make an entire movie to figure that out. This is Pixar, so I’m sure these coordinates are accurate for someplace in the Pacific Ocean. But who cares? The latitude and longitude haven’t had to care about that. And I it’s my fifth grade geography class and forgot all about it. OK. He found a way to sneak over to the other ship when no one was looking. The problem is the ships hanging onto is alive and probably has feelings.

So how does he hook on to another sentient vehicle’s flesh without that guy knowing? Then he’s just bummed. The movie also ears and spending way too many opening minutes on characters we don’t know had like best zoom in, enhance cliche guys.

Right?

Them all the we are living in a world where if the greats didn’t load themselves, we wouldn’t bat an eye. Even if you could do this, why would you do this? You had a perfect look into what this operation was and got crystal clear audio. The only reason you do this is so you can get caught for movie purposes.

To Thunderball here, folks to Dunstable. See why does this car fall to absolute pieces upon hitting the water?

But the pieces still maintain their basic body shape. If every car on this rig was following him up the ramp that just exploded, then oh, are there any cars up here at the top ready to chase after him? About a minute ago, we just saw a car explode from the surface tension. So how does Fyn survive an even higher jump? Is it because of his Greg Louganis style form as he enters the water? Because I’m pretty sure the surface tension does give it about your four Olympic gold medals. Here’s a car operating a gun on board a boat. And again, I raise my concerns about how this vehicle society works. Why is a car it enough to fire a boat gun? But the boat itself is not. Things got all the cool spy gadgets and that comes with the territory and spy movies. But if he could do this, why did he need to hitch a ride on a boat? It could have gone completely stealth mode underwater all the way up to the rear.

Who can stop us now?

Major tow mater that to that moment when you realize Mater is the sequel’s main character instead of lightning? I thought I could make it this time out of cars that break down in the middle of the desert, call for help, advantage humans, assholes, because when our cars break down, we still have legs and sometimes phones.

Your Tanton is mine, so that means it’s on the app.

What kind of ass face to company has a rewards policy where your tenth to in a month is free? Literally no one in the entire U.S. gets total ten times a month except characters written by screenwriter meter is a dick. Is Lightning McQueen back yet? Movie literally imitates conversations between children and their parents. Almost nine minutes into this car sequel crazy excited about winning his fourth Piston Cup expositional towhee meter is as excited as a puppy to see McQueen to the point he’s about to kill the guy.

He’s doing so good to see you. You do. But speak for yourselves. I can’t believe I renamed Piston Cup after our very own dog got out this new.

Doesn’t everybody watch the Piston Cup? Certainly this town would follow lightning and get word that they renamed the Cup and Doc’s honor since he’s from here. Look, I know Paul Newman died a couple of years after cars, but how did his character die? That mother was in tiptop shit. If this asshole Otis can keep driving around and breaking down on the side of the road, surely Doc could do better than that. I feel like they could say he moved to some far island to get the same effect they drank. We find out this is some dickhead playing a practical joke, but that means this asshole has been sitting here in the tunnel on the off chance cars are driving down the tracks, tireless mader, enlightening film, a recruiting commercial for the Promethea School of running away from things. This car offshoot of Cow Tipping raises more questions than answers like why is a sentient vehicle out the pastor sleeping like an animal?

Also, what the machine this big doing on in this tiny ass town full of nothing.

The incredible Beal’s is probably 10 times better than this movie. Mader is officially the cable guy level of creepy, showing up to lightning and Sally’s state as a waiter. And yes, I know he’s being played by Larry the cable guy, but I met the Jim Carrey character pun not intended to show the world what his new super field can do, these green increasing competition like no other. And what why not just scientifically demonstrate your fuel’s benefits on a YouTube video? You definitely don’t need to host a car race and how all these competitors be able to run on your new fuel without having advance time to test it and see how their engine reacts.

You’re bringing Mader, right? You never bring them to any of your races.

That’s racist. Let me see if I have this right. Lightning is chilling on vacation at home, but some open wheel race bitch Braggs on lightning and mayder just happens to be watching. So he calls into challenge that Reginaldo Lightning comes to see what the fuss is about, sees his friend getting dissed on TV and then agrees to a road course race challenge out of pure defensive meter and no concept of the race itself. And that’s how this movie kicked its main plot into gear. I mean, I think I’m lucky using a car song for this montage is a little too on the nose. The cars rule, the cars movies do not. Let’s not confuse the two for younger generations. Also, this is a relationship song or likely a breakup song wherein the singer says, all I want is you to a girl or boy he’s in love with. But this is a travel montage making the song choice even more confusing. Oh, and by the way, the same band has a song called Drive Away.

I am just being a dick to cartoon’s, giving me funny details when I want to travel montage. But what was made are neat with a travel pillow. Everyone on this plane is asleep except Lightning and Mater and they are awake because they’re watching Japanese Ninja Warrior for cars. I guess this movie is so inoffensively.

Terrible. Jesus, Lightning McQueen is on a giant billboard here, but no one recognizes him driving the common streets among the normals. In fact, here’s Lightning McQueen and a store dedicated to merchandise about him. Yet he is still unmarred.

Check out that tow truck, man.

I wonder who that guy is with cars, too, is seriously about to try and bring emotional conflict out of lightning, being embarrassed by Maida’s sickness, which not only the first movie cover, but is also a bit of a cliché storyline anyway. Jamie, can I get Peter suddenly wants to be friends with the asshole he just yelled at on national TV for the disrespect towards his best friend. Is this his character? I think is annoying. Is he is this is not something he would do. Hey, look, it’s that spy car from the opening about whom I remember nothing, sitting on the biggest oil reserve in the world.

How did we miss that? They’ve been scrambling everyone satellites.

Oh, American is here tonight to pass it to you.

Why would some important spy be happening here in the preamble to the big race? Why isn’t this exchange happening somewhere that’s secluded? Is it so there will be a hilarious mix up with Mater where he becomes relevant to the story which tugs down there on the oil platform.

If they see me, the whole mission is compromised even further reason why no top secret exchanges would be happening in public places like this.

He’s a little excited, isn’t he?

Pedro Sharikov, you Pixar sequel. Straight from a wasabi misunderstanding joke into a joke. I refuse to believe Hong Kong’s bathroom door symbols for gender or this vague. This is just more manufactured confusion to create Mader hilariousness. This movie seriously aired on what it thought people might have enjoyed about the first one, like super hard Erde. How could he possibly have seen that would lead to this reaction? Everyone is driving around this place naked. I’m again left wondering why a car in disguise needs to get out of the skies for any reason ever, especially for something like this.

Mater is oblivious to this battle because he’s been sidetracked by this first, but the day experience.

Whatever you do, I would not go in, not made or takes a second to pay homage to Ace Ventura, start gangling, prepare to be quiet.

This is the exact same thing that happened to me the last time I visited a porn site, a Volkswagen Kamanga Hasner radiata.

Well, of course, Dad Gergich Erica.

Yepp, the spice came up with pass phrases that are easily answered by anyone with knowledge of cars, but find somewhere more private. Yeah, I know cars to make spending look even harder than it already is. What do you have HD video surveillance of? Basically everywhere, but no audio, which would tell you that Mader is not the second agent you have mistaken for. Also, I saw the man who knew too little, and I’m looking down at you for basically doing a car based rip off of that movie.

All in all, making its debut tonight is the required fuel again.

And I do think this is worth sending twice. How do you force cars to race on your new fuel without giving them time beforehand to test it out? Somehow, the two most drummed up participants in this race, Lightning and Franchesco, are both starting the race in the very last two spots at the back of the pack.

Why were they so favored if they polled so poorly as to be last at the starting line? Is there a camera in front of Lightning McQueen that is faster than him in order to record this? Why is he in the pits he’s so exposed? It seems amazing to me that these guys who were just seen hanging out in public suddenly give a shit about where other spies are hanging out in a room in a demolition derby.

This analogy is stupid. Why would a rollbar, an inanimate object, be excited about the prospect of being repeatedly put to the test even when protecting a human, a robot is going to suffer during a car crash? Right. Pain, dents, scratches, mostly. I just think this is a super lazy, car based analogy and I wanted to call it out. The NP’s work on electronic devices and equipment. This movie will suggest that gasoline in these cars somehow reacts negatively to the MP as though there is electronics inside the gasoline when really any MP would stop a car regardless of fuel because modern cars are all electronically controlled. So this fuel additive of death is just pointless and stupid. Much like this entire sequel is out now.

I usually like to have a proper Natanel nine for my lady brain.

Somehow Mater is coaxed into getting out of the pits just because this beautiful lady car begs him to do it. And yeah, the power of car owners is probably strong, but enough to get Mater away from his best friend’s race. But he’s leading and is almost over. But I know that Vin is a high priority target for the bad guys, but they are specifically looking for Mr. Right now. He’s the one with the thing that they need. So why is the entire bad crew going after fent me to head toward that racket?

Don’t go down the street meter. Who’s been thinking with his car Dick this entire time decides not to follow shift Will’s instructions in this instance, Berardi damage meter stupidity is kind of a liability for this movie. It works in small doses, but this is cringeworthy and generally insulting. I lost the race because of you. We’re supposed to believe that Lightning learned this lesson from the first movie so well that he’s repeated his Piston Cup champion four times. But he’s just as dickason this movie as he wasn’t the last one. He was barely redeemable in the first cars. Now he’s maybe we don’t need your help. I don’t want your help. Movie rips off the killing off of Encino Man from Encino Man, which basically ripped off the shooting of Old Yeller from Old Yeller, which basically ripped off the Abraham Isaac story from the Bible, which basically Messiah, British intelligence, KomaI average intelligence made are grossly overstates his intelligence also made or mistakenly believes British folk in general have a high intelligence, though in his defence, this was a decade or more before the Brexit vote.

Were you with FBI, CIA, let’s just say triple-A affiliate.

Seriously, if Mader were even a tiny bit not down, this movie could exist, though in his defence, the British intelligence agents in this movie are basically just as much to blame since they actually think Mader is a secret agent.

Most of the film knows karate. I don’t want to brag or not. I got me a black man.

I got. He’s pursuing cars instead of, you know, jumping out the window and following these assholes like Captain Winter Soldier on the rooftop. Oh, he jumped some then. Well, when Pixar resorts to jerks, you know, something went wrong. This plane takes off despite a flat tire. And while I’m guessing that may be possible in real life, this movie showed me the plane veering wildly to the side after the tire blew. So how did the pilot study after that to actually take off and how it’s going to land? I didn’t really want him to leave. Yes, you did, Anderson. Good agent gets what he can and gets out before he’s killed. Why didn’t the secret agent write down some extra details if he could only take one picture at the good neighbor matter?

Is there?

How much did State Farm pay for this? On the one hand, it’s their jingle and forever tied to them. On the other hand, he actually saying Mader instead of State Farm. So my point is State Farm might actually have tried to stop this mentioned as opposed to sponsoring it, since it doesn’t exactly make them look good or bad.

Exactly. Ben, much help anybody recently. You’re helping me, please.

This movie is a long awaited collaboration between Michael Caine and Larry the cable guy. I guess planes are pigeons now sort of lost track of what’s supposed to be intelligent life and mere livestock in this movie.

They can get back on you. Does this guy have binocular vision when involved in this plot is one of history’s biggest loser cause that’s cast a secret meeting in two days. Where’s this meeting taking place? Bartokomous Eatery. That’s where the next race regime.

Then I wonder what car absolutely needs to be in the location of every race. And we’ve seen his dubious back story and is trying to sell.

All in all, could it be Axelrod then Cevat Lipo, really a comb by each one of them with my best friend, Lightning McQueen.

Only this movie just became the most treacly bolt imaginable. You don’t buff out the dents caused by your time with Lightning McQueen.

Are we sure this movie’s plot was propelled by Maida’s attraction to a female car? Because it sounds like matters more in love with McQueen. Also, I think the alternate more believable plot to this movie would be called Itou Mader Tumbi.

It isn’t just part of your cover. Friendships can be dangerous in our line of work.

Mayta Michael Caine cuts her off before Mayder has a chance to ask what she means by cover.

And honestly, how many car races does the Pope even go to? Like every now and then, the film cuts back to lightning, letting us believe he’s still a main character, even though he clearly is not.

For every single joke in this movie is some sort of car related replacement for whatever humans use in this world, stop manufacturers, stop making or pass its entire world has already explained or implied that men and women cars get busy and have children unless this now implies that they don’t. So do couples who want children need them to be built? And if so, is there some sort of pricing where couples would want Gremlins and Pacers because they’re the cheapest children to buy? Just happened? I’m working on it. You’re working on what? The fact that a heavily favored car just wrecked.

Can you not actually see through those things was going to be alternative fuels right this moment after today, everyone will back in gasoline.

Let’s talk about the villains plan, the villain definitely being Axelrod. So his whole plan is to make an alternative fuel that would replace gasoline, but create a floor by which it fails publicly so that everyone will go back to gasoline, of which he owns a lot. But why do this? If everyone was already using gasoline, wouldn’t they buy your oil anyway? Or are there many different kinds of alternative fuel out there besides oil? And he’s hoping that its failure will be a black eye for alternative fuels. But that doesn’t make sense either, since the other fuels aren’t exploding, then did not see and more importantly, did not hear a helicopter anywhere near the area before trying to jump over.

You choose your fuel for the final race. Do you have any idea what it’s going to be?

All an oil well, that’s just being stupid, but we know what’s going on here, but they don’t. All they know is the cars are exploding for a reason that could only be on all these assholes. All pull guns on mayder, but then give him time to make may not correction.

If not the point she made her is just going to keep accidentally seeing himself through this entire movie. And it’s like I’m supposed to be all happy because he’s wearing a backpack suit you killed out there today. Okay, so we’re supposed to believe that before lightning could get through the crowd, the bad guys grabbed Mader and replaced him with this evil look like God. And if that were the case, then some of these folks near him would have seen that and would speak up. This one here on the right is a goddamn camera, the bad guys gas murder instead of killing him because they do have a great stake in the toy line. Cars inspires way too much of the gas induced motor hallucination. This is some manual right here tying a man to wait a second. How did cars get up here to even time in the place? This movie gives me a rage boner and I’m going to heart. London Metuh Inside Big Bentley, big Bentley, glamour shot of big Bentley. Say, why did the car society build all the same we have here in a real human society. OK, you movie. When Mater awoke from his gas nightmare, these two were this close to being smashed by the next gear change. But now you want the gators to move and end up with them even further away than where they started. This is computer animation because you don’t actually have to accept continuity errors.

You created them and have the power to fix them. These motherfuckers move another slant closer and yet still are a full Slote away from being crushed. This movie is terrible and pretty much every way. But the single most terrible aspect is this gear moving without question makes me want to kill. We shouldn’t be saying this at all, but I hope you win today. Movie thinks that if it makes Axelrod say this, we don’t believe he’s not the bad guy. And I’m telling you right now, you had no chance in hell movie and suddenly doesn’t work because God hates all of us. And yes, I know what the movie tells us about McQueen’s people later. That totally explains this. I just don’t care. The previously tested and working laser rate with cars running on all and all doesn’t work as expected. So they call in Plan B, which is super sudden, and also a bomb planted in McQueen’s pit, which is a way better method of killing him than some kind of laser ray. Anyway, did you know she had twin batterings in front tires? Because I definitely did not know that. Listen to me. The mom is on you. They somehow knew that Mader would be able to get out of these ropes by activating his machine guns. Come, don’t they? So did not why not have a bomb in the pit and a bomb on Mader?

That truck is Brantford, I tell you what. Yes.

You do know who that tow truck is because he was seen with McQueen everywhere before the first race. And he’s the reason why McQueen is racing in the first place because he called into that show. I mean, to tell me there wasn’t a story about that. And numerous pictures of McQueen’s best friend also made her a tow truck is outrunning Lightning McQueen, who is lightning.

I’m that five years later you are the entire movie is built around repeated asinine misunderstandings. And it makes me want to kill something in anger, like a plant or a beetle. Nothing cute and lovable, obviously, but still angry enough to kill a movie is soundly overestimating my love of Mater and McQueen in the series of close calls.

This movie speaks for the audience and does so expertly let go, never even more of this.

What do we do that he said he’ll blow up.

There’s lightning blowing up still somehow work for the bad guys at this point with no one know what happened.

How does this get blamed on onal and powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams aren’t going to make you feel better.

Citation needed. Yep. That’s just ordinary water somehow knocking the bad guys 100 feet back. Yeah, it’s coming from a fire truck and it’s probably strong, but we’re talking about cars that we have.

One meter food stamp would leaking on it to party in Japan.

Keep in mind, this bomb had three minutes to go just before they kicked the bad guys asses. I know it’s a cartoon and this is what spy movies do, but it’s still infuriating. Why not just give him extra time so that all the stuff they do in three minutes doesn’t seem impossible?

He created all in all. Yeah, but what if he found that your view of the world was trying to find out what?

This brings us to the flip side of the plan. If all in all is such a good product, why can’t he get rich selling that? Clearly he can sell on and nobody gives a fuck, but it’s actually gasoline in disguise. It’s like he’s worried that if he sold all and all for real, he’d be discovered as a fraud. But isn’t he risking that very thing right now?

Is nobody testing this fuel for his crazy Quemoy, you idiot, made the right bomb deactivated.

Why would you make it so that this bomb could be deactivated using only your voice? If you think there’s a scenario by which you would need to deactivate the bomb, which is unlikely, why wouldn’t you think of how it incriminates?

It’s official. You’re coming to all my races from now on. Gee, such a great guy, McQueen. I can’t wait for cars three now where you’re probably a dick again for some unknown reason. Major thing was stoic British guards is everything I hope this movie wouldn’t be. I made his girlfriend. Oh, you are. No mastication proved that Eleanor was actually gasoline. So maybe this explains all the bullshit about the plant. But how does a new product get introduced like this without people finding out it’s gasoline in the first place? Plant is still stupid despite this revelation to sell gas.

Man, it still doesn’t explain how all in all would be the end of all alternative fuels forever. Either people would just blame oil and not the entire industry. Right? Why did it take me so long to realize this movie’s FRANCHESCO is just a discount djangirov from Talladega Nights?

I’m that four hundred seventy two miles northwest of Dutch Harbor. Captain Wild Bill McCroskey is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Anyone any more of you know, he’s a little excited, isn’t he?

Me is a moving, some come from guns.

Lots of guns.

I am French. You see French.

Or drawerful them at the house, for God’s sake, that I’m sitting on fifteen, two hundred dollars worth thundershower.