The Boy Next Door movie cast- slammed by What The Flick

Full-text transcript of The Boy Next Door review:

[00:00:01] It’s been nine months and you had it back to the basket sheets with the secretary every time he goes to the office

[00:00:08] And he made a mistake. You ready off?

[00:00:12] I got it. And you are? No, I’m staying next door with my uncle. Hello, welcome to the Christie Matt and Ben and Ben is back just in time to talk about the boy next door with that sexy boy next door. Please describe it.

[00:00:29] Yes. So if you’ve seen the trailer, you know, this movie is Jennifer Lopez is separated from her husband with a young son. But there’s Ryan Guzman, a handsome, hunky 19 year old, lives next door, moves in next door. And it is it’s her decision. But his mistake or her affair is I don’t know what it is, but all you need to know about this movie is that the cast, Jaylo and the character’s name is Claire. There is not a less likely name for a character played by Jennifer Lopez than Claire. They found the whitest name in America and gave it to Jennifer Lopez. It is just the first part of what’s wrong with this movie that said a little bit fun and awesome. And, you know, it was this accent with my folks going to finish up in Monroe High Mountains. U.S. seems too cool to be a teacher. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.

[00:01:32] Ok. The nicest thing anybody said to me and a lot more them. I’m glad I said it.

[00:01:37] And use some of your less start to feel like

[00:01:40] You don’t belong anywhere.

[00:01:45] Sister. Our attachments. Justus. Look, you

[00:01:54] Know, I was feeling vulnerable. I’m the adult. I wasn’t thinking clearly, can’t do this. Kevin, did you send an email from my account

[00:02:04] You’ve even hacked to really change your password? His father seems to be around a lot now, huh? Yeah, I guess don’t forget that he walked out on you.

[00:02:14] Honey, I need you to stay away from Noah.

[00:02:15] Ok, see you at school. I guess. So I’m going to

[00:02:25] Lose my job,

[00:02:26] My son, my life. Tom. I think it’s going to happen here you go. For me, my son. I have to that clip. I live next door.

[00:02:58] All these terrible, terrible events, not like delightfully terrible enough,

[00:03:02] Listen, we would have been a lot better with Luis Guzman. And so what I’m just saying is that that would have made that would be the

[00:03:11] Heavyset Latino man next door. And she couldn’t resist

[00:03:17] Those cars that he cleaned the

[00:03:19] Storm drain. And he’s super

[00:03:20] Talented. You play anything? Yes, exactly.

[00:03:24] So, yeah, this was this is fun. We had some laugh out loud moments, but I would say not enough.

[00:03:29] One more quick question on the casting. Yes. Who is more unbelievable as a literature teacher? I thought Jay Leno or Mark Wahlberg.

[00:03:37] Yeah, well, that’s good to. There’s a conversation between Ryan Guzman, who apparently is he’s so she’s a teacher

[00:03:44] And a high school English

[00:03:45] Teacher who comes and eventually moves into the school, though it’s worth pointing out that at the time of the affair, he’s not yet in school and he is 19. So I don’t even think it’s honestly, I don’t think it’s that big a deal like it might cost her her job. I just mean. But the stakes matter, right? Like like there wasn’t this is not the kind of thing that ruins anybody’s life,

[00:04:02] Like legally versus ethically. You’re saying the difference here is. Yeah.

[00:04:05] And mean even ethically, once you get to 19, like and he’s not in school yet, it’s like it’s bad, right.

[00:04:12] It’s not necessarily illegal or even it’s it’s dodgy about the ethics of it. It’s just scary.

[00:04:18] Risky. But I mean, so she’s the eight billionth person to have a skivvy affair.

[00:04:22] It doesn’t it doesn’t it doesn’t have to reckon with her son’s new friend.

[00:04:25] Right. With her sons different like her. The damage control she’d have to do is with her son. That’s much. You might lose her job. So and so that mattered like the whole time as we’re supposed to believe everything that’s at risk for her as to why, because she could solve much of this many of these problems early if she’s simply willing to tell the police. But she never does because afraid of losing her job, she’s afraid of losing her job. And then, as she says, and her son to John Corbett, who’s her place, her ex-husband, and we know it’s John Corbett. So he can’t be he can’t be that bad of guy. It’s John

[00:04:59] Corbett. He didn’t break up with her by Post-it note, right? Ha. Do you get that reference, Sex and the City reference you didn’t get the girls out there will get that over.

[00:05:07] He and he did. That’s not how he broke her. Right. That was what’s his name, our friend. Who’s the guy who run Lily said thank you, Jesus.

[00:05:14] Well, OK. Isn’t any good in a bad way. Is it fun sometimes to not sometimes it’s not over the top enough for me. I don’t think

[00:05:23] It could be more over the top, but I can’t say I had a bad time at the. That’s right. That’s right. Down together. We did have fun. This is a movie we’re laughing at and not necessarily with. Think on the joke.

[00:05:34] I can’t tell. I don’t, I don’t

[00:05:36] Jaylo it in a series of like see through clingy ass hugging negligees. I never cried

[00:05:43] The first half of the movie, like they forgot to give her bras and I’m OK with that.

[00:05:48] She she does go jogging. You know,

[00:05:50] As you know, Kristie, I don’t know whether, you know, you’re out of sight. One of my favorite animals, I’m a great movie. It just it just it’s not that I think it’s one of the ten best movies, but you just it’s a big, perfect film. Perfect movie. And she looks five months older. Right. Like I mean, she looks like Karen Cesco. I mean and that was nineteen ninety eight.

[00:06:09] That is seventeen years. She’s seventeen

[00:06:12] Years and test

[00:06:15] She looks better than she ever had so. OK, so she’s supposed to be like thirty eight and he’s supposed to be nineteen. In reality they are forty five and twenty seven. Right. Right.

[00:06:24] So I mean she could, she can certainly pull off thirty eight. I don’t have any problem, I have a problem with that. He, she pull off thirty.

[00:06:31] I mean totally does look very. They really want a soft focus of her. I mean they, they’ve really done her up. She looks amazing.

[00:06:39] She does. And she also finds time every morning to do full makeup to go teach Homer. Right. Like she’s got the smoky eye and the glossy lab. She looks like a Fox News cut anchor a lot of the time. I think there’s a blowout. There’s no time for the

[00:06:53] Taliban

[00:06:54] To leave. And they’re actually Bidwill. Her real last name is right.

[00:06:56] There is an awful lot of cleavage for a high school teacher.

[00:07:00] She’s hot. For teacher. She is like the hot potato. But there’s like so

[00:07:04] It’s like so it is fun. There’s times that it’s fun. And I and they and they definitely I think you’re right, because there are times when they they definitely seem like they’re in on the joke, but they didn’t go for it quite enough and that made a big difference until the end. But then there are like just there’s so many super painful moments that to me don’t make any sense. At one point, John Corbett and the and the son whose name is Kevin, everybody’s got a dumb name for this.

[00:07:31] And we apologize to. All right, Kevin. Sorry, Kevin.

[00:07:34] Let’s look at this immediately. Take that back. The so John Corbett and Kevin are in the there he goes into the she goes into the kitchen and it turns out that the whatever his name is, Luis, not Lewis. No, Ryan Guzman is there. Right. And that’s our big reveal is that he oh my God. She comes back, but he’s on the couch. He won’t leave her alone. He’s stalking her and then he comes into the kitchen and she’s all flustered, he comes up behind her and he says he’s got a video of their sex and he’s blackmailing her and he’s like, who am I going to show to next man to show it to your boss? Or am I going to show it to Kevin? And he says it out loud. And Kevin goes, Yeah. And he goes, You want a soda? And Kevin goes, Yeah, that sounds great. And it’s just like like nobody nobody offers any. Nobody in the history of the world has anyone said you want a soda. And the other person said, that sounds great. There’s no specificity. You go you can say, sure, thanks, please. Yes, I

[00:08:32] Do.

[00:08:32] If anything, it’s just like there was a and there’s so there’s a generic. I’m using that as an example of a generic ness of this movie that I think that it makes it less fun.

[00:08:43] Yes. There’s I think there are moments in this movie where there’s a little self-aware and it does tilt towards being so bad. It’s good. Yes. You know, the better version of something like this was the movie with Halle Berry from a couple of years ago. Was that the call where she’s the nine one?

[00:08:59] Yes, that was fun.

[00:09:00] That’s a fun movie. I think that’s a fun movie that is over the top and Dopy at a good time. This one really this one could have been that and it would have been amazing. But it’s I think the script, among other problems, like the script really dials it back in the script is so generic and so stupid. Know the scene where he gives her the book that we laughed about endlessly that I think this is so amazing. I don’t even want to give it away. It’s just amazing. It’s almost worth the price of admission just to see something this stupid.

[00:09:32] There’s a there’s I thought like no scene acknowledged that a prior scene had taken place. At one point he comes and he acts, asks her, you know, she he’s he’s he won’t leave her alone. That’s the whole premise. And so he’s after your family’s gone to sleep, come to my house at 2:00 a.m. and she goes the night before he tried to rape her in the bathroom. Right. Like, first of all, that’s enough. That scene enough would be enough to be like, this is over. Right? Right. But she doesn’t she goes like, hey, remember the rape from the night before? I don’t go to his house at 2:00 in the morning. You wouldn’t she wouldn’t do that. No, she so and that’s just one of a series of moments where, you know, and then when she discovers the terrible thing he might be doing, he takes it upon herself to investigate. It doesn’t call anybody. It never at any point does she acknowledge what they’ve established is clearly real danger from a genuine psychopath. So, like, again, and like in the call, they they got around that her phone didn’t work. Right.

[00:10:37] You know, there’s an inconsistency, especially to Claire in this movie, in that she is the damsel in distress when the script needs her to be. And then she has agency and she can take care of herself when it’s convenient for the script. But none of that is consistent in her character. And I think that really takes away from this. And I think that’s part of why it makes it harder to really kind of embrace the so bad. It’s good

[00:11:00] Here. We know it’s funny that I came home from this movie last night and the babysitter was like, how was it? I said, you know, it was terrible but not terrible enough that she goes, What do you see again? I said, The boy next door is always one, which I follow. She’s like Jennifer Lopez. It’s always the same person in every single movie. Even my twenty seven year old babysitter, like, he’s always like kind of soft and kind of sexy, but she has this hidden power that comes out when she needs it, like enough, for example. All right. This is a typical Jaylo movie where she gets to show off her crabbiness and her sexiness, but then, like, she kicks ass all of a sudden when she’s called upon to do so. And that’s true here, too. Like she has these these powers that we never seen from her before. All of a sudden,

[00:11:39] You know, there’s a there was this there is a sex scene, obviously. I don’t think that’s giving anything away. We know there’s a section in between. By the way, this right. Guzman character, he can snarl his lip very effectively. There’s a fair amount of Elvis in this

[00:11:52] Not not nobility.

[00:11:53] I don’t know. Elvis Costello, the the. But he he does. It’s more Billy Idol than Elvis. I shouldn’t like Elvis, but he so in the sex scene and it’s OK. It’s a fine sex scene. It’s weird when they when it returns again in memory that there’s not different shots like another option to bring us more. They just recycle the seven shots they had.

[00:12:17] So that’s the only seven shots they could do without actually showing us anything. Right. Because of her

[00:12:21] Name, because

[00:12:22] It was a good girl.

[00:12:24] I mean, it’s ridiculous because there may be no duty calls, but there’s some very sexually aggressive things that happen that you don’t normally see. So I would say nudity. I’d rather be nude than have that happen. What is the thing that happens to her? But. But what? But that sex scene between this incredibly good looking twenty seven year old playing a nineteen year old, and then you think about her by far, her best movie Out Out of sight, and that sex scene where literally nothing happened and almost. Everybody on the planet will tell you that one of the great sex scenes, one of the sexiest scenes in movies, her dream sequence with Clooney, like, yeah, it doesn’t really matter. You can show whatever you want. It’s not that’s not what makes it. That’s not what makes it sexy.

[00:13:08] I don’t think he’s up for any of the challenges of this film. I mean, yes, he’s nice looking. And yes, he’s been to the gym. Ryan Guzman’s been at that movie a couple of times. Yeah, he’s working with a trainer off and on, but he’s been in a couple of Stabat movies. And that’s a good fit for this guy, right. To just show up and be pretty and move and whatever. He and not that you expect believability in a film like this. You don’t. But I was never afraid of him. That’s right. I never met a legitimate threat. He’s a child. I mean, he’s twenty seven playing 19, but he looks about 12. It’s a boyishness to him that makes him. Yes, it makes him. He’s never menacing. And I think you need that. If you’re going to have an erotic thriller like this, there should be a legitimate wigney.

[00:13:49] Right. We’ve seen like young Wahlberg was able to do that in what was in the movie Fear. We were just talking about that yesterday. That’s that’s a movie where I think that, you know, for all the flaws in that movie, he at least add some menace to it. Like there’s a there’s a sense of with Wahlberg, like he could flip out at any moment and you’re

[00:14:07] A door he totally

[00:14:08] Flip. Right. This one, I guess, in this movie is about as scary as the hamburger.

[00:14:14] I would say this is all direct, you know, I mean, I don’t know. He’s not great, but but you don’t you don’t know. Because when you when you remove credibility, when they have lines like the soda line, when when she behaves inexplicably, when she investigates the case herself and then says to a cop, wait a minute, is this a 2006 minivan? Like act like it’s so like you look at the minivan and say the name of the car, like it’s just everything like that that it took away any possibility for him to be menacing. This is not a movie where anybody was going to be menacing.

[00:14:48] And his inspiration, his motivation for why he does all the things he does is so ridiculous. And it comes out of nowhere, which we should mention that Rob Cohen directed this movie. He did the first Fast and Furious movie X, and there was one little car chase in this, which has some brief little snippets of what this person can do. Well, right. And it’s actually even edited like a Fast and Furious movie really quickly during the car chase.

[00:15:14] Right. But then there’s a car accident, which I thought was look like a afterschool special.

[00:15:19] Right. That looked like crap, right? Yeah. That looked like

[00:15:21] Somebody else did. That went right

[00:15:22] There. Funny, right? No one’s actually heard.

[00:15:24] We get a flashback. And this is not a huge spoiler because we we find out that the parents are dead and we get a flashback to the accident. And I love any movie that, you know, there’s there’s some accident and the car, just a minivan. It was made of dynamite

[00:15:41] At the same time is a giant finished with dynamite. Is a giant barn on fire at one point that never, ever collapses. Right. It’s on fire, ever. So. And I

[00:15:50] Had the beginning of that barn, Peg, didn’t

[00:15:52] You? Till I called it. You did. And and the ending is batshit crazy. I had fun and I was squealing and screaming and squirming and clapping at the end, like the last five minutes or so is as funny as the whole rest of it should have been previously.

[00:16:05] That said, I couldn’t tell anybody not to see it. I wouldn’t say I don’t necessarily like it depends on don’t go it alone, not because it’ll scare you just because you need you want you want this lottery.

[00:16:14] And this is the best way to approach this. We would get a few friends together, go get shitfaced and you will have the time of your life. That’s the best thing you could do this this January.

[00:16:22] So with that in mind, you know, I’m giving it to two numbers. So, like, if you’re doing that, like it’s a seven point one, it’s a terrible movie that you can have fun at.

[00:16:31] But stone cold sober

[00:16:32] But stone cold sober has been only one friend. Don’t go see it. It’s terrible. And it achieves nothing. It holds nothing. It accomplishes nothing. So it’s like a point five. OK, that’s a seven point six to

[00:16:44] The story is make some friends and get

[00:16:45] Some friends and get drunk. So I come out at like a three point

[00:16:48] Eight point eight. OK, Matt.

[00:16:50] Four and a half. I you know, I like a movie that I’ll at least be thinking about for a while

[00:16:56] And talking about really at one point. If nothing else, I’m giving it a three hour average, three point eight thirteen percent and dropping and dropping and then we’re going to get higher, you know, so it’s like a race to the bottom for all the bad movies coming out this week. Do this and Mordecai strange magic. So when it’s not to be confused with the girl next door, which was actually a pretty good movie by.