The Expendables 2 Cast- a critique by The Flick Pick

Full-text transcript of The Expendables 2 review:

[00:00:03] Hey, still, Expendables two is a cash grab. I don’t know about all that, but you also have to see it stop. My mom will shoot. I’m back and this is a toilet paper roll because I couldn’t find a real cigar. How do I know? I now pronounce you man and wife, you have my permission to kiss the bride. My name’s Jason Statham and it’s nice to meet you. I get it. Nice. How many nights does it take to screw in a light bulb? What are you doing? No, I put the cookie down. Hey, guys, how are you? So here’s my review for The Expendables, part two. So unlike the original film The Expendables, which was written and directed by Sylvester Stallone, the sequel is written by Sylvester Stallone but directed by Simon West. And if you guys don’t know who Simon West is, well, he’s the guy who directed, I guess the only good movie he’s ever directed was Con Air with Nicolas Cage said. Put the money back in the box so the plots of Expendables two is Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a villain who wants to get all the plutonium on the planet so he can sell it to make a profit. And The Expendables crew, led by Sylvester Stallone, are going to allow that kind of shit to go down. You know, I’ll know it’s doing all don’t go over there. Now, the whole concept behind The Expendables is bringing together all these classic 1980s action bad ass stars and putting them together in one movie as a fanboy of action movies, and especially in the 1980s.

[00:02:08] I mean, there’s nothing about over the top. There you go. Now, this movie is a sequel that definitely went bigger and better than its original, which was very I actually was not a fan of the original Expendables. I was like I was so excited. I was so excited. And then I seen the movie and I was like, wow, somebody’s got kind of lazy and sloppy. And Stallone, come on. I mean, I know you like money, but you could have done a little bit better than that. Now, The Expendables Part two goes bigger and better, and there’s actually a more comprehensible storyline. I’m not saying the storyline is good or original or unique in any way, but it’s more entertaining than the original one. Maybe it’s just because it has more cameos in it. I’m not quite sure yet. Let me think about it as I keep talking now. The most noticeable difference between Expendables one in part two is the action is a lot better and well filmed compared to the first one, which was directed by Sylvester Stallone. This one’s directed by Simon West. I think having another director come in and actually get behind the camera and and judge how they’re going to film action scenes and take more time and put a little bit more energy and effort into it, because in the first Expendables, the action wasn’t filmed that well.

[00:03:14] Another good thing about The Expendables, part two, is it self-aware? It knows what it is. We understand hey, we understand that we’re old nineteen eighties bad asses, but we’re in one movie. Let’s have some fun and make jokes about our past. Also, for the first time in years, you see Jean-Claude Van Damme back at it again. And I don’t know what the hell did that guy have some kind of weird eye surgery where he tried to get an eyelift, but they just they completely fucked it up. His eyes scared me in this movie. I think that’s why he wears sunglasses half the time. But he plays this really evil, villainous asshole guy who just wants to make money from selling plutonium. I don’t blame him. I mean, Jesus, there’s a profit to be made. I mean, hell, let’s line our pockets with some cash. Now, with Jean-Claude Van Damme in this movie, I expected two things, a heavy accent and roundhouse kicks, and I got both those. Now, this movie is full of quippy one liners, hard ass remarks and a lot of cheese. And there’s a lot of dialogue in this movie where character is kind of just reference other characters. Past movies like Yippy Kay are all back now. This is a man’s movie. There’s a lot of mindless big action scenes, but I still felt like there’s more to be desired.

[00:04:19] You know, I look back at the movie. I just seen it a couple of hours ago, and I really can’t think of one big action scene that just blew me away or one shot where it’s just like I’m going to remember that for years. By the way, the digital blood in this movie, OK, at times it worked. At other times it’s just like Jesus. That’s a lot of digital blood and it’s all thick and it’s a little too much and it’s it’s cool. And I get why a ten year old kid would like it and think it’s badass. But at the same time, I can’t help but think that is digital blood. And I can we just can we just use some real blood, maybe some catch up? I don’t give a shit more of a liquid form rather than a digital one. That’s all I want. OK, I think that turned off a little bit ago, but. Oh, well, we’ll just keep talking. And speaking of making fun of itself, the movie stars, Chuck Norris. Yeah, that’s right. Chuck Norris is in the movie. His cameos definitely were fun and entertaining, though. I think there’s something about Chuck Norris I don’t like. Maybe it’s because I’ve I don’t trust him. I don’t make me explain that. Anyway, there is one big Chuck Norris joke in the movie made by Chuck Norris himself.

[00:05:20] And it definitely was the biggest joke in the entire movie. I think everyone really enjoyed it. The whole theater laughed at it, especially the twelve year old kid behind me who was munching on his popcorn with his mouth open. The entire movie really got a laugh at it and he laughed so hard. I think he sneezed on me, which made me want to stand up and choke him. Why his father? What I think overall, the biggest problem with the movie was a script. You know, it could have been better. It was a little bit underwhelming. It was the same thing you seen a hundred times before. And I get being an Omeish the nineteen eighties and being kind of just this bland ass story with all these big action scenes to tie the movie together. So based on everything, I have to get The Expendables part to a C plus. I don’t know why when you shoot something with an AK 47 and it turns into a C plus, but it just does. OK, so anyway, guys, before I go, I have a question for you. What is your favorite action movie of all time? I have two and there honestly, both almost tied with each other, Terminator two and point break. Both of those movies together define testosterone and bad ass to me. So anyway, guys, thanks for watching and I’ll see you next time.