The Expendables 3 Cast- a critique by The Flick Pick

Full-text transcript of The Expendables review:

[00:00:00] Come on, kill me, kill me, I’m here now, if you couldn’t tell by that, I love 1980s and 1990s action movies. Those are the movies that defined me as the man I am today. What does that mean? No, Governor Bush is doing your best impressions are just getting worse. Oh. Before I give you my take on Expendables three, all these movies right here flashing beside my head are great iconic 1980s and 1990s action movies. And the reason I told you all that is because I want you to know I respect 1980s and 1990s action movies probably more than I should. And also in a few minutes from now, when I start ranting about how shitty The Expendables franchise is and what a cash grab it really, truly is, it’s not because I don’t want to go over the top. Action movies are the stars are in these movies. It’s just because I like movies, actually contain a story and a script where they give the audience their money’s worth. So we all settle whether it’s Will’s movie, I’ve got to stop doing that. So let’s just talk about The Expendables, The Expendables three. This is the third time I’ve tried to like this movie. Now, what is the concept? What is the plot behind this movie? Well, the plot is let’s try to cram as many 1980s action stars onto one movie poster so we can make some money. Now, I really like the concept behind The Expendables movies.

[00:01:21] You cram all these action stars into one movie. How could it not be bad ass? But what these Expendables movies do is they end up becoming parodies of former action movies. And rather than embrace that bad ass 1980s action genre, it just makes fun of itself. And we’ll talk more about that a little bit later. But first, let me really tell you the plot to this movie, OK, here goes the plot to The Expendables. It’s going to spit this out for my brain to you. And I’m not going to edit anything for a few seconds here. All right. So the movie opens up with this big action sequence. One of The Expendables gets hurt. And then Stallone kind of has this issue with the CIA. They’re trying to screw him over and he has to go on this new mission, but he doesn’t want to involve any of the older expendables. So he goes out in search of newer expendables. And along the way, he meets up with Kelsey Grammar’s character. And for about 35 minutes of the movie, they’re in a car. Then they’re on a plane and they’re back in a car than there are some other random location finding New Expendables. And this part of the movie could be very intriguing. And I like things like that because you have movies like The Italian Job or Ocean’s Eleven where they go out scouting for talent, like I need a Greaseman, I need a demolitions expert.

[00:02:25] And that’s essentially what they’re kind of trying to do for 30 minutes of this movie. But unfortunately, this just becomes 30 fucking minutes, a mind numbing nothingness. This is the part of the movie where you’re meeting up with all the new Expendables and it’s supposed to be interesting and develop their characters, but really they spend more time just driving from location to location because like Rhonda Rouse’s character, she’s working in a nightclub as a bouncer. She punches some guy. She smiles at Stallone, and that’s her setup. Now, speaking of Ronda Rousey, she’s one bad ass, real life chick. She could kick my ass at one point two seconds, and I’d probably enjoy all of it. But as far as her acting ability goes, well, it didn’t exist. So, yeah, let’s get back to the point. This movie spends all this time setting up these new expendable characters, finding them, going out, locating them. And then after they do that, it leads to nothing like they’re there at the climax of the movie. But you don’t really get to know them. They don’t really contribute anything. And they say a few lines and it’s just like all that set up for nothing. Now, listen, I know it sounds like I’m ranting right now, and that’s probably because well, I am, but it’s only because I want these movies to be good, because I love these action icon stars. I love action movies. But this movie just feels like the definition of a cash grab.

[00:03:37] And if you’ve seen the third Expendables movie, here’s my question to you. Before going into this movie, you looked at the poster for the movie and you’re like, yeah, that looks pretty cool. And then you watched the movie. Did you feel cheated? Just a little bit. I mean, yeah, technically, all those guys are in the movie, but some of them are only in the movie for like one scene or one cameo. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t dislike everything about this movie. This movie had some redeeming qualities and one of those qualities was Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson plays the villain in this movie. And the best thing about his character in this movie is he doesn’t feel like he’s playing a parody of himself or one of his past roles. He feels like a real character with real emotions. Mel Gibson’s character in this movie wasn’t a typical bad guy. I mean, yeah, he had bad intentions, but he was kind of complex, a little bit woody at times and had some intellectual thoughts. So, yeah, for me, Mel Gibson was essentially the best thing about The Expendables Part three. Now, do you want to know one of the worst things about Expendables three? It’s not the script for the movie. It’s the PG 13 rating. Now, from a Hollywood executives point of view, a PG 13 rating means more money. And in my personal opinion, that money making mentality doesn’t make any sense, especially for a movie like this, because let’s break down what this movie is all about.

[00:04:41] You take 1980s action icon stars and you put them in a new action movie. Now, what is the demographic for this movie going to be? What’s essentially going to be people over 18 years old who can go see rated R movies, who love 1980s action movies? And when you make a movie like this, PG 13, you basically shit on the heads of all the 1980s action movie fans. You alienate them and you make your largest demographic hate your new movie. And another thing that really hinders this movie with that PG 13 rating is you have all these big gun battles, bazookas, machine guns, AK 47, and they’re going off. And the only thing that’s happening when people get shot is the either just fall down or you see like these baby powder puffs coming out of the wound, poof, poof. It’s like, what the fuck is there? Oh, yeah. There’s one more thing I forgot to mention. The movie has Harrison Ford in it. I love Harrison Ford. Indiana Jones. Oh, yeah. And Harrison Ford in this movie basically replaces Bruce Willis because Bruce Willis wanted too much money. And they’re like, OK, now we don’t need Joe, we’ll get Harrison Ford. And for that, I give the movie two thumbs up. So The Expendables Part three, this movie just feels like an SNL sketch that makes parodies of all these former action stars.

[00:05:47] But the sketch goes on for an hour and a half. There’s so much potential, there’s so much they could do with this movie and this franchise, but they just simply don’t want to do it. And it’s not even the fact that this movie didn’t live up to my expectations. It’s just this is not a good movie in any regards. Acting story, script, interesting plot, because none of those things essentially exist in this movie. I’m going to give The Expendables three a D. I know. It’s disappointing. I know. Put Cookie. Cookie. So, guys, that’s my take on The Expendables three. Here’s my question to you. Let me know down below what you thought of the movie or let me know what your favorite 1980s action movie is from Stallone and Schwarzenegger. My personal favorites are Rambo and Terminator. And by the way, if you haven’t already, make sure you check out my interviews. I went to L.A. for my first ever press junket. I get to interview Sean Bean. Oh, yeah, the man, the myth, the legend so linked to that’s down below. And also check out my latest movie Night Video, where we watch all the Ninja Turtles movies. And I don’t have any pizza because I was a lot of frozen pizza. But either way, it’s a good time linked to that’s also down below. Thanks for watching, guys, and I’ll see you next time.