Crimson Peak characters and film- reviewed by Jeremy Jahns

Full-text transcript of the Crimson Peak review:

[00:00:01] All right, guys, it’s like this I have a cold, a really bad one, my voice is starting to leave me so and talk a little quieter and hopefully I can conserve my voice because on Monday, that new Star Wars trend is dropping. You know, I’m going to talk about that shit. I need a voice to do it. So I think my voice is probably going to be gone by the time I’m done with this video. But I think we’re going to get through this. Glenn said he saw Crimson Peak as a scary movie directed by Guillermo del Toro has ghosts in a huge mansion. Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, Mary’s That Girl More goes and goes and goes. Not really, though. No, this is actually the horribly mis marketed movie. I hate it when movies do this. This movie is marketed as a scary movie for Halloween and it’s not bad at all. But this movie is ultimately kind of a Shakespearian rip off love story for Tom Hiddleston marries this girl and there might be some foul intent involved. That’s what it is. That’s the movie. Right. Before you start bitching about the movie, I’m going to talk about what I liked about the movie, first of all. Right. When this movie starts, you’re like this movie’s going to look great and it does. This set design is beautiful.

[00:01:02] The cinematography is gorgeous. This is everything is huge. Victorian high ceilings, great colors, everything is decorated. Well, you just look at it and you’re like care and budget went into this movie with someone who has an eye for this stuff, Jaromil del Toro. And the performances were great, too. I’m not saying the characters were great. The performances were the two characters I liked at all in this movie where Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain, they’re by far the most interesting people in the movie, everyone else who gives a shit. You’ve seen the plot of this movie a zillion times before. It is very basic. You’ve seen it in the form of episodes of television programs or other movies, other movies that did it better but didn’t look better. I’m going to get on The Ghost because we should talk about what’s not in this movie. Really. The Ghost did nothing. They offered nothing for this movie. All they did was supply a few scenes where the main girl in this movie can take a candle and walk down the hallway and investigate the weird shadows she saw. All the ghosts are really CGI in this movie. Guillermo del Toro usually has great creature design and he does for The Ghost in this movie. They are interesting looking, but don’t mistake that for being scary with ghosts, the less you see, the better.

[00:02:03] But the fact that this isn’t a ghost movie, I guess that doesn’t matter at all because they’re not here to scare you. I was driving home. I was thinking about this, and this really hit me. If you take the ghost out of this movie, the movie would be no different. And I challenge anyone to tell me I’m wrong on that. The ghost do nothing for the plot of this movie. The only show up a few times and nothing seriously. You can phantom edit the ghosts out of this movie. You will have a completely cohesive and ghost list movie. There are two situations where Ghost kind of does something, but the thing that it does, it doesn’t actually interview like one point at something and it points to a soundstage. She goes to the sound, but she would go into to the sound anyway. And the other one distracts someone for like half a second could have had a polite fall and that would have distracted the person for just as long. We take the ghost out of this movie, still have a movie where Tom Hiddleston marries this girl and things happen that are completely unrelated to Ghost. The end of this movie was pretty cool and it got pretty intense and I enjoyed that leading up to it. I swear to God, I was checking.

[00:02:53] My watch was like, fuck, we’ve been here for an hour. It felt like two guys in the Crimson Peak is like this. The performances were fine. The characters were not. The only interesting characters in this movie are Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain. The movie looks great. It’s visually very, very appealing, which is a drag, because if you take the visual aesthetic to this movie and wrap it into a great movie with good plot device and good characters, a great dialogue it would have killed. It’s a bummer because as unique as this movie looks and it looks like it’s going to be, it’s a very, very clichéd plot. And really Crimson Peak might have been a good time if I was drunk. Yeah. Now it’s a party. All right, guys, the Crimson Peak. Have you seen it? What did you think about it? Whatever you thought, comment below. Let me know. And as always, if you like what you’ve seen here and you want to see more, click right here to see more. My voice is out. Cool thing is, when I have a cold, I sound like the Joker, my father was a drinker and a fiend and one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn’t like that. Not one bit.