Kingsman 1 review- a film critique by Dutch Bond Fan

Full text transcript of Kingsman review:

There have always been dozens of spoofs and love letters to the Bond franchise, the Johnny English films being among the ones I really enjoy.

You just got to love Rowan Atkinson, the awesome power films. I never was much of a fan. You only need to trace back history to all the countless spy movies that spawned during the 60s spy craze to conclude that pretty much every spy franchise out there owes its existence to Bond. But if you would ask me about my favorite comedic spy franchise to pay homage to Bond, then in recent years, my answer to that, without a doubt, is the Kingsmen franchise.

This franchise started out in 2012 as a comic book series about a young British street kid slowly turning into a swamp spy on a mentoring of a sophisticated secret agent. You don’t need long to find out that the series is a love letter to Bond. As the writers admitted, they base the street get turned swaps by story on the relationship between Connery and director Terence Young, who Bond fans all know mentored Connery in the same respect. Heck, even former Bond Pierce Brosnan makes an appearance in this comic, mentioning his former job playing 007 so it wouldn’t take long for these comics to be adapted into a feature film, which is exactly what director Matthew Kahn realized as well. He also happens to be a big Bond fan, especially of the war communiqu Roger Moore era. He and make sure that this is mentioned in his film.

You like spy movies, Mr. De Vere?

Nowadays, all a little serious for my taste, the old ones, marvelous, give me a far fetched theatrical plot any day.

The old Bond movies. Oh man, when I was a kid, that was my dream job.

Gentleman spy, I mainly knew about Matthew Fawn’s work from 2010 over the top film Kick Ass and quickly became a fan.

A handgun bullet travels at more than seven seven hundred miles an hour. So at close range like this, the force is going to take you off your feet for sure. But it’s really no more painful than a punch in the chest. You’re going to be fine, Babydoll.

So in case you were ever wondering who directed Kingsman, you only really need to look at the first few seconds of the film to quickly realize that this is Matthew Font’s work.

Instantly, you’ll recognize his unique combination of conveying a comedic style in the most badass way, and if you like that style, oh, you’re in for a treat with Kingsman.

So the film starts out in the Middle East. In 1997, we are introduced to four Kingsman agents who are on a mission to stop some terrorist as they question the guy. He arms a grenade and one of the Kingsman agents jumps on him to save the life of the others. One of these agents is called Agent Galahad or Harry Hart, played by Colin Firth, who gets the difficult task of telling the sacrificing agent’s wife that he just became a widow. He also takes a little moment for our young little son EXI, who he gives a special metal necklace that has an emergency number he can refer to engraved on the back, and thus the movie starts off.

And with that music you just can’t help but feel intrigued by what this film is going to throw at you and how the story will unfold. We now move to the present day in Argentina 17 years later, a professor played by Luke Skywalker is kidnapped when a Kingsman agent walks in and starts kicking the shit out of all the guards.

And immediately we are exposed to Matthew signature, over-the-top yet badass style that he somehow manages to blend together in the most satisfying way. I mean, this guy is literally blowing off fingers with his silenced pistol while casually sipping some whiskey after shooting another guard.

And yet he can’t help but feel like, holy shit, this stuff is frickin awesome. And if you think that that already gives you kind of an idea of the crazy tone of this film, you better think again as the agent is literally cut in half only seconds later by this film’s henchwoman, Gizelle, who has sharp metal feet. Welcome to Kingsmead, folks. Strap yourselves in. Gazal proceeds and quickly covering up all the bodies for the main villain who ironically cannot handle any form of violence or blood meat. Richman’s Valentine, played by Samuel L. Jackson. My kind of welcome.

No stomach for violence. I mean, literally, I see one drop of blood that is me done. I’m like, yeah, projectile.

So immediately it’s noticeable that Valentine talks with a lisp, which was a choice that Jackson made for the character himself. He said, Oh yeah, some of the badass people on the planet talk with a lisp like Mike Tyson. And I like that he gave his character a memorable distinction. So we learned the Kingsmen agency is based up in a tailor shop on Savile Row, which we know was where Connery’s Taylor was based to where we are measured for this bud, my trailer. So Meanwell Harry, who’s still an agent 17 years later, proceeds to the head of the Kingsman, the Secret Service officer who is played by none other than Michael Caine, who is essentially the Kingman’s version of em. They drink a toast along with the other Kingsmead agents in the field as a commemoration of the fallen Kingsman agent. We are also properly introduced to Merlin, who is played by Mark Strong. So now taking get to propose a new suitable candidate to carry the now reopened codename of Agent Lancelot. So that moves us to our now grown up main character, EXI, who is played by Terrence Edgerton. For me, like many people, this was the first time I saw Accattone in anything, but I quickly grew to like him. It also helps that he’s pretty much around the same age as me and plays a likeable character. That would have been my dream part if I were to ever play in a film myself. We quickly learned that his mom is now dating some lowlife asshole and that they’re pretty much living in the gutter right now. As she is out in the pub with his friends, he quickly gets into trouble with some stereotypical London street hooligans with amusing accents.

Hey, you think you can shit about us? We won’t do nothing just because I his so excited.

Just decide to do some everyday street kid stuff, you know, stealing the dude’s car, making fifteen doughnuts in front of him and joyriding while mocking the police. So that does not end well for him. EXI is facing some major jail time and with nothing to lose, he decides to call the emergency number from the metal necklace that Harry gave him seventeen years ago and within only a few minutes he’s released without any trouble and he meets the man himself. So Harry tells EXI about his father that saved his life and we learn that he’s been keeping close tabs on SC and knows all about his potential because XII’s has success both in intelligence at school as well as physically in the Marines. Yet he dropped out everywhere, mainly due to his current environment. That doesn’t seem to hold anything promising for his future. Then the Group of London street thugs show up again, ready to fight for stealing that car. But Harry kindly ask them to leave them alone so that he can finish his lovely pint of Guinness. Of course, they don’t take him seriously at all, which is kind of a mistake, Nonna’s. Make it. If you ever had any doubts whether or not good old Colin Firth would be a suitable action hero before seeing this film, then look no further. As we get one of the most badass fights in the film, Colin Firth is like Roger Moore’s bond with the fighting skills of Daniel Craig’s bond on steroids. Again, we kick into the over-the-top Matthew Vaughn mode, with Tetch flying by in slow motion, umbrellas turning into bulletproof shields. But this stuff is filmed so extremely well. It’s not exactly Jason Bourne, shaky cam fighting. It’s very quick yet easy to follow. And again, you just can’t help but feel like, holy shit, this stuff is frickin awesome.

It definitely is one of the many highlights of the film and something you simply should experience for yourself. So after that badass fight, Harry leaves EXI with its tracer and later instructs him to meet him at the Kingsmen Tailor Shop after nearly being killed by his asshole stepfather and doing some impressive parkour skills to once again dodge those three goons.

He meets up with Harry, who proposes an opportunity for him to become a Kingsman secret agent and takes him to their hidden HQ Independent International Intelligence Agency, operating at the highest level of discretion.

Ah, yes, the highest level of discretion. I guess that’s why you beat the shit out of all those guys in a public bar.

But hey, manners maketh man actually has taken on board of an underground tube, shooting him up to the secret Kingsmen mansion where he is immediately placed within the recruiting process for the next agent, Lancelot, which just happens to be taking place on the exact day that EXI was calling the emergency. No. What if he didn’t do it, Harry? Just simply count on the fact that he would get in trouble and call this number exactly. Today or whatever just for someone else anyway. You can tell that exi clearly is the odd one out in the group of rich kids and snobs that the other agents proposed and I can’t help but feel like this section of the film really reminds me of man in black, you know, in the way that a group of recruits is brought together to compete for a position in a top secret agency that nobody really knows about. And the main character is the odd one out in the group, completely the same premise. But whereas in Men in Black, that was basically just filling in some forms and going to a shooting range.

Here in Kingsman, a large portion of the film is focused on a training through a series of dangerous tests that are all very fun to watch, like how the room is flooded with water at night and the recruits quickly have to work together in order to survive. Somehow they quickly know to use the shower heads and plug the tubes into the toilet to get an unlimited air supply. Well, it’s a good thing they are aware of that. I would have totally drowned straight away. It’s a pretty impressive scene. Luckily, it saves the day by breaking an indoor window, which he knows is in the mirror. Dude has some serious underwater punching power. Meanwhile, Harry is sent out to Professor Luke Skywalker to learn who is behind the killing of ancient Lancelot back in Argentina at the beginning of the film. But before the professor can even say something as frickin head explodes due to an implant, which has something to do with the villain scheme of Vallentine, we don’t really get to learn all the secrets behind it quite yet. But throughout the movie we are shown that it has something to do with the mass production of free SIM cards allowing free calling and internet for the whole world, as well as convincing important politicians such as the Swedish Prime Minister and President Obama to come aboard into his secret plan that we don’t know anything about yet at this stage of the film. Meanwhile, his training continues involving the choosing of a dog, a sniper rifle test, as well as an intelligence test. Eventually, he makes his way into the skydiving exercise in which he and the recruits are instructed to land at a drop zone. Throughout these tests, it’s clear that he has some chemistry with fellow recruits. Rossi, who is scared to jump at first, but he convinces her to just do it anyway.

Somehow they still make it to the rest of the group in the air, even though the plane was probably already miles away because they jumped several seconds later. But hey, move your logic.

It doesn’t distract you at all, though, because this is yet again another fantastic action scene.

But this wouldn’t be a Kingsman exercise if this was just an easy skydiving exercise. Oh, no. Merlin comes in, would it not? A big plot twist.

Any idiot can read a heads up display. Kingsman agent needs to be able to solve problems under pressure. What to do when one of your group has no parachute?

So once again, the recruits are forced into a deadly situation and have to work together in order to save each other’s life. And again, this makes one of the best, most nail biting moments in the film. You can really feel the tension as they get closer and closer to the ground and more and more recruits open their parachute. Only Roxxy and actually are the ones that are left. And we learned XY is the one without a parachute, forced to hold on to rocks his legs at the last 300 feet. And it is all just brilliant filmmaking.

So now Rocsi and EXI and rich asshole Charlie are the only three recruits left in the race. Of course, it turns out it had a working parachute anyway, and this was just another typical Kingsman test.

Meanwhile, Harry is sent down on a mission to find out more about Valentine and has dinner with him at his mansion and is treated with some of America’s finest culinary delicacies. A Big Mac menu. There are some fun, playful little dialogue between the two. Harry clearly suspect that he’s a bad guy, and Valentine clearly suspected he’s a spy. So all Harry really finds out is that he has a link to some church in Kentucky. Well, Valentine puts a biological tracking device in Harry’s wine to learn more about him as well. Next in line for a training exercise is the seducing of a pretty girl in a club now speaking my language. I can’t wait to see how this plays out. Of course, Charlie feels miserably and seems to naturally impress a chick a lot more without even trying. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t play this out any further as the three recruits are quickly drugged and end up on a train track to be questioned about Kriegsman. Now, this probably is the only thing I don’t like about this film. This whole nightclub scene is mainly just used as a transition to get them to be drugged. Now, it’s not like it doesn’t work in the story. It actually makes sense, but in the context that this is just a setup to get to the next bit. But when they receive this mission briefing, I’m just really getting pumped to see actually introduce mode and see how he’s going to make his move. It’s a classic skill of the gentleman spy after all that I feel really should have been part of that training, too. But anyway, we transition into the questioning on the train tracks.

What the fuck is Kingsmead and who’s Gary Hart? Fuck I. Should it be worth dying for?

Congratulations, bloody well done. And so actually passed another test getting closer to being recruited. Well, Charlie, of course, shits his pants and rats out. Kingsman immediately failing the test. So now it’s just between EXI and Rocsi to become the next agent Lancelot. So as the final test approaches, actually gets to spend some time to bond with Harry and is exposed to the secret weapon room in a tailor shop with some great Kingsmead, gadgets like hand grenade lighters, poison pens, electrocuted rings and poison knives.

Huge, totally inspired by Rosa Clapp’s you from from Russia with Love. And it’s just awesome that Kingsmead completely glorifies the good old days. What a gadgets were still cool in the recent Bond films. Gadgets really haven’t played that much of a special role anymore, especially in the era of smartphones. And it’s cool how the filmmakers were aware of that and even commented on it. And what about them?

What makes them so special? Nothing that technology has caught up with the spy world. Put it back hexing.

So anyway, EXI is summoned with his dog by Arthur for the final test.

Shoot the dog, unfortunately, doesn’t have the heart to go through with it, and he fails the test, and so it’s Roxy who ends up becoming Agent Lancelot instead. A pretty surprising twist in the film. So she has returned home completely defeated and disappointed. He also finds his mom is beaten up by a lowlife boyfriend. Why doesn’t she just leave the guy already? He’s clearly violent, probably unemployed, sits around on the couch or in the pub all day and tried to kill her son right in front of her eyes. I mean, I’m not claiming I’m the best in spotting red flags with my partners, but she might spot one or two here. So actually goes out to teach him a lesson in a car that he stole from Kingsman. He can’t actually do anything, though. As Harry controls the car and drives him straight to his place, Harry gives him a bit of a piss lecture and reveals that it was actually a blank that he was supposed to shoot a dog with.

Now, you would think that after all the surprise test tactics like actually having a parachute when he was told he didn’t have one, or being tied to the train track by a fake villain, that he would have, you know, some sort of idea that this might just be a test tactic again. But no, he falls for it. Harry receives a transmission for Merlin that Valentine is going over to her. Turits in Kentucky, and as we know from spy movies in the past, Schmidt is about to get real when things are set in Kentucky and nothing can prepare you for the craziest shit you are about to see unfold in this scene.

But before all that happens, Harry has quite an amusing interaction with one of the church goers, the Catholic whore, controlling Congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic.

So Hail Satan and have a lovely afternoon. But before Harry can leave, we get to see Valentine’s true power of the SIM cards that by now everybody around the world has picked up. So we activates the ones from the people in the church and everybody within that radius goes absolutely berserk. And what I say bezerk, I mean level World of Warcraft freak out kid bezerk.

I mean, this shit makes Quentin Tarantino’s films look like friendly fairytales, it’s violent, gory, and makes you go, oh, shit, oh, damn. Oh, did he just really do that? And yet somehow you can’t help but feel like, holy shit, this stuff is frickin awesome.

It’s definitely the most controversial, memorable and most discussed scene in this entire film. Of course, Harry lost control because he was within the SIM card radius, but because this is Kingsman, he manages to survive the massive frenzy that is until this happens.

Now, I’m going to tell you my whole plan and then I’m going to come up with a third and convoluted way to kill you and you’ll find an equally convoluted way to escape. Sounds good to me. What do you think? That kind of movie?

The first time I saw that my jaw dropped with Kingsman, anything is to be expected, and yet the unexpected happens.

I like how Vallentine has a semiformal wall breaking line here, with the filmmaker totally being self-aware that they’re being a completely different type of spy movie. So with Harry now dead, EXI quickly rushes back to the Kingsmead tailor shop to see offer. In another twist, we quickly learn that he is now on the side of Valentine too, as he also has that implant in his head that all the people that are a part of his project have received. Offer proposes a toast as a commemoration of Harry drug exes drink in the process.

He then gives extra choice to either join him with Valentine’s project and stay alive, or to die by activating the poison actually being the bad guys that he is chooses to die. So.

The problem with US common types is that we’re light fingered, yes, they’re founder members, don’t know why.

It’s such a badass moment in the film, you just can’t help but root for outsmarting is snap here with a smart street kid moves. So you extract the implant, takes it to Morling, the only person left you can trust. And with no time to lose, he takes XY and Rocsi over in the private Kingsman jet, flying off in complete bad ass Funderburk style, straight on to the final act of the film. So Valentine’s plan, by the way, is similar to Hugo Drexler’s plan and Moonraker destroying humanity with a massive genocide and creating a new world by populating it with the chosen ones. Sort of a Noah’s Ark operation with a satellite. He plans to activate his free SIM cards all around the world so everybody goes berserk, like in that church and starts murdering each other. And all the politicians and rich people with the implants are the ones that get invited over to live while those who oppose them are locked away in a hallway full of prison cells. Of course, it’s a completely outlandish plan, but it fits in well with the tone of the movie. And yet you can’t imagine the world population would actually get those free SIM cards. Nowadays, in an age where people simply can’t live without smartphones anymore, it’s actually very contemporary. So Rocsi is instructed to fly up to the edge of the atmosphere to deploy a missile to destroy Vallentine satellite using this BILLU machine. And while Vallentine commences his major countdown in his film Layer, our hero EXI gets ready to save the world.

In the moment we all knew what’s coming.

I mean, come on, everything looks the complete business here. Who wouldn’t want to be this dude right now?

As extramural and their Valentine’s villain there with the private jet gets the task of posing as one of the chosen people and get a USB into a laptop so that Merlin can hack the system. And straight away, Edgerton just completely nails the part of being a cheeky street kid turned sophisticated gentleman spy would cerca for a drink.

Martini, gin, not vodka, obviously stood for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of them. Thank you.

It’s all set on a great film set, by the way, blending in the typical classic Bond villain there. What a unique modern flavor. So actually quickly succeeds in taking over laptop so Merlin can hack the system, but soon runs into Charlie, the former Kingsmen recruit. By the time I caught a fucking spy for their young valet.

So Valentine sends a shitload of guards after him and is just like, wait, hold my beer and casually is like 100 bullets, putting bad guys are such terrible shots, man, these guys are elusive.

But the thing with Kingsman is, though, the invincible superhero stuff that you really want to avoid in a serious movie is completely embraced in such an awesomely stylized way here. You just got to love it.

So Roxy manages to blow up the satellite, foiling Valentine’s plan while he makes his way back to the plane. The mission ain’t over yet, though, as Valentine quickly deploys a second satellite and a system turns out to be uncheckable due to a biometric system activated by Valentine’s hand. So EXI is forced to go back in there and we get another badass moment of him picking out a weapon.

Choosing that awesome umbrella that Harry used in a pub scene in the beginning of the movie definitely would have been my choice to.

So using that umbrella puts up a pretty decent fight. But this time he doesn’t end up in invincible mode and the Guard’s box him in allowing for no escape, as well as getting ready to destroy Merlin’s plane, actually is already seeing his final prayers, instructing Roxy to tell his mother that he loves her. That is, until he realizes that they can use the head implants that all of Valentine’s guards have to for whatever reason. So Merlin quickly hacks into the system and activates the. I mean, this stuff can only happen in a Matthew Vaughn movie, it’s so ridiculously entertaining and it really makes no sense for them to explode one by one dominant style in different colors instead of all at once.

But it’s just so absolutely glorious.

Oh, and also pretty sure that’s Obama’s head exploding here, too. You know, he was also among the people that Vallentine convinced him to coming aboard. So with that out of the way, he happens to be at the sale of the Princess of Sweden. When we get one of the most unexpected moments in the film, if you say the well, we can go with an asshole.

I’ll be right back.

I seriously cannot stop smiling watching this film, it just keeps getting better and better. What’s the uncensored version of this movie, by the way, as that whole bit is not in the censors version? So final thought, initiates the satellite to activate the SIM cards around the world. And we got a complete global frenzy set to KC and the Sunshine Band. And even ex’s mom who was instructed by Roxy to lock her child away, goes full on Hulk mode. So now it’s all up to exit to save the world. We got a brilliant fight between him and Gizelle, the henchwoman with the mental feat. I haven’t really talked that much about her during this analysis, but he’s great. There is this fantastic scene of her fighting or ratha hacking the arms and legs of some of the politicians goons earlier on in the film that I completely glossed over. But she certainly makes for a fantastic larger than life henchwoman that’s fits in well with this movie. So now she is up against her in a great choreographed fight in a Bond like film. And their film set with thousands of politicians would explode with heads lying around finding each other slo mo matrix style. Well, getting out a rose, a poisoned knife shoe to take care of her. It’s an amazing climax and it just makes for pure, great entertainment right here. And to top it off, excuse is one of her mettle feet to pierce through Vallentine in order to stop him from activating the global SIM card frenzy. So he pukes and falls down. Man, what a fantastic crazy ride this movie is. And this is all topped off with another semi fourth wall breaking one liner part where you really bad hum.

It’s like you said to Harry.

They say that kind of movie buff as X now saved the world, he gets out to champagne glasses and with the music that starts now, you just can’t help but grin understanding exactly what this cheeky bastard is about to do next. Did you save the world?

Yes, I did. So you’re going to come in?

Yes, I am in in South you, but 625, 625 with the governor. You owe me.

I mean, I cannot imagine any guy not completely grinning from ear to ear watching this dude, it’s like the filmmakers were like, hey, remember how we’ve had that chemistry between the main character and the project throughout the whole movie? What if we completely ignore that now and just have him end up bagging the royal frickin princess of Sweden straight in her butthole after saving the world? And boy, were they right. This shit goes against all cliches and it’s so out of nowhere completely in your face and you really just cannot stop smiling. It is just utterly brilliant. I also love how Merlin is being that wing man of the year by giving him the to her cell. Speaking of that code, when you type in twenty six, twenty five on an old cell phone keypad that would spell anal. Now dead, ladies and gentlemen, has to be one of the cleverest E eggs I’ve ever discovered. Well played, Matthew Vaughn, well played. But the film doesn’t quite end there. Hopefully you didn’t stop watching as we get another brilliant ending scene after a little part of the credits with XY appearing in the pop in an identical scene to Harry getting ready to teach his lowlife stepfather lesson manners maker.

Your met your father.

So we can stand around here all day.

Kingsman is a film that took an almost all the outlandish and absurd elements of the classic Bond films and blended together in an extremely effective way. It not only succeeded in being a great new parody of the spy genre, it succeeded in spawning a fantastic new franchise strong enough to hold its own ground.

The crazy tone set in Kingsman allowed for stuff that you could never get away with in a Bond film. I mean, limbs are constantly flying off heads or exploding. The violence is through the roof. There’s the constant throwing of the effort. And the main character is literally having anal sex with a Swedish princess at the end of the film. This stuff really sounds like the most tasteless, disgusting film. That would never work.

But Matthew Vaughn brings it all together in the most surprisingly stylish, larger than life, badass and above all, entertaining way possible, because usually an extreme level of gory violence would never work in a lighthearted action comedy. We’re having a serious stelle in a movie that doesn’t make it so serious.

And yet Kingsman pulls all of that off and somehow it all works like clockwork. The cast is top notch, too. You can tell everybody is having a lot of fun and all the characters are very colorful and engaging. Colin Firth, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Caine, Mark Strong, they all deliver top notch performances. And Taryn Atcheson is one of the most well cast of newcomers I’ve seen in recent years. I mean, this guy came fresh out of acting school, had to play with such an A-list cast in one of his first roles and simply owned it as if he had been doing it for years.

He absolutely nailed the role of EXI and made it a young, cheeky version of Bond that we all wish we could be. That’s quite an accomplishment. This film instantly became one of my favorite action comedy films of all time, and I’m saying that as a proud diehard Bond fan, during times in which the gritty, dark and realistic are usually preferred by myself included. But this unique style is just so welcome as a fan of the genre. And I can completely understand all these A-list stars being attracted to this franchise. It’s really no wonder it quickly received a sequel and a few more films are already announced, each of which are also going to be directed by Matthew Vaughn because this is his franchise and only he could nail this tone. And in the way I already cannot wait to see those two films. That really is a testament to the quality of this film. Kingsman The Secret Service is the perfect example of how to have fun with the overdone gentleman spy genre and turn it into something fresh and entertaining for all audiences.

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